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MyNameIsNot · May 2021

passionateprocrastinator said:

First of all, bear with me because this long and messy. It’s also more of a rant than anything.

My wedding is less than two weeks away, and one of my first cousins still hasn’t told me if she is coming or not.

The reason why? I invited her mom, who left her dad for a woman. I invited her because she is my dads sister. Was I not supposed to invite my aunt because she’s a lesbian??? My cousin and her family are not religious at all. In fact, they are constantly making crude and nasty jokes about people of all races. Her dad thinks it’s hilarious to get banned on Facebook for saying stuff like this. I invited her and her family to my wedding because we basically grew up together, (she’s five years older than me) and I have been to EVERYTHING of hers. To make matters worse, the other day my cousin bought flip flops from the dollar tree that say, “Bride,” on them. Wanna know what she said? “I just love these flip flops. Even though I was a bride almost two years ago, I had to get them.” My fiancé said I should have commented, “Aww, did you get those for me?”

I’m going to be honest, I’m not even fond of my aunt. I just invited her because she is close family, and I didn’t want her to feel left out because she is always pulling the, “no one likes me,” card. She has done stuff to my dad that I will never forgive her for, but I’m just trying to be a good preachers daughter and let the past be the past. HOWEVER, because I invited her, my cousins dad is now refusing to come to the wedding even though he told me he was coming. He was going to come with my cousins sister who has a touch of autism, but now is dropping her off to be at my wedding ALONE. My Mamaw told my dad, “can’t she just sit with us?” The answer is NO. We’re having a seating chart, and have already figured up who is sitting with my mom and dad. My grandparents are some of those people. There is no room for my cousin to sit at my mom and dads table.

My papaw got on the phone yesterday to my dad and said, “your mom wasn’t going to say anything, but I said that Amber needs to know because of the food and seating chart. (Cousins dad) is not coming anymore.” My cousin is always stuck up my grandma’s butt. She IS her favorite grandchild. Her sister and I always laugh because it’s so obvious how much of a favorite she really is. You want to know what’s super sad though? Before my cousin got married two years ago, she made a tik tok calling my grandma a bi**h, and that she can’t stand her. It made my grandma cry for WEEKS!!! However, since my cousin has completely cut her mom out of her life, she looks to my grandma as a mom figure.

I have texted my cousin over and over about if she’s coming or not, and all she says is, “let me talk to my husband.” I finally got fed up, and when my grandma called the house, I asked for her to ask my cousin because I can’t get ahold of her at all. I’m guessing since her dad isn’t coming anymore, that she won’t even come to sit with her younger sister.

Long story short is this, I am completely and utterly pissed at them. Yesterday, I lost my cool after my grandpa called my dad. No one has the courage to tell me to my face that they aren’t coming. I went to everything of my cousins, and go to everything of her kids. Maybe this is petty of me, but if she doesn’t show up after everything I have done, I will never go to anything of hers again. I swear by it. I am thinking of not even acknowledging her. I am tired of giving my all to people when they can’t even give a crumb back. I do not need people like that in my life, my fiancé’s life, or my unborn child’s life. I will also never invite her to anything of mine again. I’m tired of wasting invitations on a person that can’t even give a text back. Does anyone have any advice on how to not let this get to me too much? I just want to focus on my wedding day.

There's a lot of unnecessary back story here, and it sounds like you just needed to vent, which is just fine.

As to your etiquette question, assuming your RSVP due date has passed, this is easy. Text cousin and say "The RSVP due date was yesterday and final numbers are now due to our caterer. I understand that you have a lot going on, but I need a firm answer today. If you can commit to yes, I'll include you in our headcount. Otherwise, I'll assume you can't make it. Thanks."

The ball is then in her court. If she wavers or doesn't respond, mark her as a no and don't have a seat for her.

climbingsingle · May 2021

Agreed that there is a lot of back and forth here that is not necessary.

Also agree that since the RSVP date has passed, you can inform your cousin that you are not able to reserve a seat for her and her husband. Also, with the way you speak about her, why do you even care that she's at your wedding?

IMO you're letting a lot of things get under your skin. And I get why! I just think you need to let it roll right off of you. Who cares about the flip flops? This has no impact on your life.

I'd find another relative to sit with your younger cousin. Do you have a friend you can ask to sit with her? I'm not sure how young she is or how much supervision is needed.

Don't keep involving your grandparents in all this. Just deal directly with your cousin, and leave it be. Move on. Have a drink and a cupcake.

ei34 · May 2021

There’s..a lot of extra drama here. Has your rsvp date passed? Reach out to any guest who hasn’t let you know and ask them for a hard yes or no.

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