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Either figure your shit out or break up with him.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My boyfriend and I have been together for nine months. Things started off a little rocky before we started dating. He was a total ladies’ man and had his fair share of girls in constant rotation, but he had never been in a relationship. At that same time, I desperately wanted to be with him, but he was too caught up in the single life to want any such commitment. During COVID, he had a change of heart, cut off all ties with other girls, and asked me to be in a relationship.

But he works at a popular bar in a large city, and as things have been opening up, it has been exceedingly busy and crowded. Girls are constantly hitting on him, and I have been feeling intensely jealous. I bring it up to him often and he brushes it off, saying he loves me and that none of them matter. I’ve checked his phone, his Instagram etc. and haven’t found anything alarming, but I don’t know how to stop feeling so sick and awful. He reassures me that he wouldn’t cheat on me, but because of his past and never having been in a relationship, the whole situation is constantly on my mind. How do I learn to trust him and not be so jealous?

—Jealous and Exhausted

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Re: Either figure your shit out or break up with him.

  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    CharmedPam said:
    “I’ve checked his phone and instagram”
    this right here is a problem.  He said he wasn’t going to cheat on you and you have no signs but your own paranoia.

    only thing you CAN do to completely trust him is lock him up in a dungeon away from all women.  Check the laws on that, I think it’s frowned upon.
    Just maybe lol
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is a you problem and not a him problem. You need to reflect on why you’re so jealous, why his word is not enough to believe him, and if you’re so jealous you’re making yourself sick you need to step and Andre out why. 

    And stop invading his privacy. 
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Either invest in doing serious work on yourself in therapy or break up because he deserves better. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If all signs point that you should trust him and you snoop on him you are the problem. 

    DH and I are married for nearly 14 years.  I couldn't tell you the last time that I've even touched his phone.  I can't trust that he'll prune the shrubs when I ask but I have zero doubts about his faithfulness. 
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Just because he was a ladies' man at one time doesn't mean he can't commit to and be faithful in a relationship now. And not every man goes to bed with every person that hits on him. You are assuming the worst without evidence. 

    You have some pretty serious jealousy and trust issues that you need to work through. If you can't get past these issues, then you should end the relationship. Don't stay with someone that you're never going to be able to trust, whether it's because of them or because of you.
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Imposter syndrome?  LW deep down doesn't believe they are good enough for this guy, and is projecting that it is temporary until he inevitably finds someone better.

    They have to work on themselves, stop mistrusting the BF and figure things out..

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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    If all signs point that you should trust him and you snoop on him you are the problem. 

    DH and I are married for nearly 14 years.  I couldn't tell you the last time that I've even touched his phone.  I can't trust that he'll prune the shrubs when I ask but I have zero doubts about his faithfulness. 
    Whenever my H or I hear a story like this, we will joke to each other.  Do you want to check out my phone?  You can check out my phone.  

    With the replying joke being, "Are you kidding me?  I don't even want to deal with my own phone!"
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm curious if the LW has always been jealous in her relationships.  And how does she know other women hit on him?  Does she hang out at his bar often?  Or does he tell her?  If it's the latter, then he needs to cut that out.  Because it's cruel when he knows his g/f is insecure and jealous.
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