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Maid of Honor shutting out bridesmaids

knottie25772abd3e1a3727knottie25772abd3e1a3727 member
in Wedding Party
Has anyone had an experience where you are a bridesmaid where the MOH shuts out the other bridesmaids. In this case there are 3 bridesmaids and the MOH. Well one bridesmaid would chip in and help out but only if asked, one doesn't seem to want to be bothered and myself. I've offered to help the MOH to try to take things off her plate since I know she's got her hands full. Every time it's we got this (her and the bride) and shutting down the help. It's almost Ike show up at the events, buy your dress, do the ceremony thing and that's it. I know the MOH typically plans things but in the past when I've been a MOH, I always planned things with the bridesmaids. This just feels like go where you're told and open your wallet. It's not so much the bride as it is the MOH. Part of me wants to not even try to help with the Bachelorette or Bridal shower because every attempt has been told oh no we got this or oh we already planned that. Would you just hang back? Offer only when asked? 
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Re: Maid of Honor shutting out bridesmaids

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Are they asking you for money? Or just telling you that they've got party plans under control?

    A shower or b-party can be hosted by anyone who offers, and hosts are under no obligation to include other hosts. If she wants to plan those parties by herself, that's fine. The only problem is that she would be way out of line to plan them and then invoice you for a portion of the cost. If she asks you to help pay for parties she's planning solo, you should respond that there was no agreement that you co-host, and since you're not involved in planning you have no idea why she'd think you'd expected to pay. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    knottie25772abd3e1a3727 said:
    Has anyone had an experience where you are a bridesmaid where the MOH shuts out the other bridesmaids. In this case there are 3 bridesmaids and the MOH. Well one bridesmaid would chip in and help out but only if asked, one doesn't seem to want to be bothered and myself. I've offered to help the MOH to try to take things off her plate since I know she's got her hands full. Every time it's we got this (her and the bride) and shutting down the help. It's almost Ike show up at the events, buy your dress, do the ceremony thing and that's it. I know the MOH typically plans things but in the past when I've been a MOH, I always planned things with the bridesmaids. This just feels like go where you're told and open your wallet. It's not so much the bride as it is the MOH. Part of me wants to not even try to help with the Bachelorette or Bridal shower because every attempt has been told oh no we got this or oh we already planned that. Would you just hang back? Offer only when asked? 
    I mean, I personally would be happy to not have to plan any of that stuff. But it's not OK for her to dictate to you the budget for things and expect money. Is that happening?
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Is it sounding like she's taking charge but now you're not in the decision making process? 

    I experienced a bit of that when BIL and SIL got married and her MOH sent out some details about things we had to buy.  Luckily it wasn't worth the argument so I didn't fight it and it wasn't that expensive but if you feel like she's making decisions without consulting I'd go to her and say, "Hey I'd love to help and definitely would like to be included.  If you want us to contribute to anything I'm happy to do so but definitely need to be in the loop on what's going on before I can agree to anything." 

    It's always tricky talking money but what's harder is feeling like you are invoiced and not part of the decision making. 
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