Adult Flower Girl (in the age of COVID)?

Re: Adult Flower Girl (in the age of COVID)?

• MobKaz member

  

  June 2021

  dinasp said:

  My fiance and I are requiring that everyone at our wedding be fully vaccinated. We decided, for a few reasons (both COVID-related and family politics-related) that we can't have any exceptions to this, including for a flower girl. Since kids can't be vaccinated yet, this means that our initial plan for the flower girl (which was pre-COVID...wedding got postponed last year) can't happen. 
  
  Would it be cute or cheesy to have an adult flower girl? I've been having a really hard time deciding where that line gets crossed in this case. I know a flower girl isn't necessary, but I've always imagined having one and like the look of the petals. I tried looking into the question of adult flower girls and found varying stances (some saying it's fun/cute, and others saying it's insulting to ask an adult to be a flower girl or better just not to have one), but all the articles/posts I've seen pre-date COVID. I feel like this might be a different circumstance, where we're acknowledging that this isn't quite the wedding we imagined and everything is weird and different right now. Or it could just look dumb or strange.
  

  
  In my opinion, I cannot fathom an adult playing the role of a flower child.
  
  Will you be requesting proof of vaccination?  You are aware that even fully vaccinated folks can contract Covid, correct?
  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  June 2021

  I don't see how the pandemic makes it any less insulting to treat an adult like a child. 
  

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• banana468 member

  

  June 2021

  I have heard the arguments that are pro-adult flower girl but I find it totally infantilizing to ask a grown adult to pretend to be a child. 
  
  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  June 2021

  While I can understand not wanting an unvaccinated child to be a flower girl at your wedding, I think that means that you need to forgo having a flower girl instead of asking an adult to be one. It's still infantilizing and demeaning to an adult to be asked to play the role of a child. If you want this person in your wedding party, ask her to be your bridesmaid. It will not invalidate your wedding in any way not to have a flower girl or to have uneven numbers of attendants.
  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  June 2021

  Can you block people from walking up the middle aisle and pre-lay the flowers? 

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• dinasp member

  

  June 2021 edited June 2021

  Yes, we are requesting proof of vaccination. I know they can still contract COVID, but it's much less likely and has virtually zero chance of being a serious case. But honestly, half of the precautions we're taking for COVID are more to make my family, and especially my sister (who was severely germaphobic even before COVID and to some extent recognizes her irrationality but can't help it), comfortable. I know for a fact that she wouldn't otherwise attend, and even though I'm upset that that's the case, it matters more to me that she be there than that I take a stand of some sort. 
  
  Thanks for all these opinions. I love the idea of pre-laying the flowers! I think we'll go with that!

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• Jen4948 member

  

  June 2021 edited June 2021

  dinasp said:

  Yes, we are requesting proof of vaccination. I know they can still contract COVID, but it's much less likely and has virtually zero chance of being a serious case. But honestly, half of the precautions we're taking for COVID are more to make my family, and especially my sister (who was severely germaphobic even before COVID and to some extent recognizes her irrationality but can't help it), comfortable. I know for a fact that she wouldn't otherwise attend, and even though I'm upset that that's the case, it matters more to me that she be there than that I take a stand of some sort. 
  
  Thanks for all these opinions. I love the idea of pre-laying the flowers! I think we'll go with that!

  You realize that nobody owes you proof of vaccination and that people may lie about being vaccinated?
  
  I think the only practical way to enforce this at your wedding is just to not invite anyone whom you know isn't vaccinated and who has announced that they're not getting vaccinated, along with their relationship partners. You cannot force anyone to show you their vaccination paperwork and requiring this is going to alienate people who might otherwise be willing to attend your wedding. And you're still running the risk that someone may lie or still contract or spread Covid to your family members.

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• dinasp member

  

  June 2021

  They absolutely do owe me proof of vaccination. It's a private event, and it's my event. I can choose who is allowed to attend. I care less about alienating the people who don't want to provide proof than about alienating my close family. I also know my crowd and how most will feel about it, and I could care less if the people who would feel alienated don't come. Those are the people that my fiance and I are inviting out of a sense of obligation, not because we truly care about having them there. We're making it very clear that they will be turned away at the door if we have not received paperwork, and I don't really care if that annoys them. I may not be able to force them to show paperwork, but I can certainly say that doing so is a condition of being allowed to attend MY wedding. If they choose not to, that's their choice. 
  
  This also isn't unheard of anymore. Requiring proof of vaccination to go to various things is a commonplace practice in many areas. Some venues require it (including for things like concerts, sporting events, etc.) I've seen it done for other weddings, too. 

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• Jen4948 member

  

  June 2021 edited June 2021

  dinasp said:

  They absolutely do owe me proof of vaccination. It's a private event, and it's my event. I can choose who is allowed to attend. I care less about alienating the people who don't want to provide proof than about alienating my close family. I also know my crowd and how most will feel about it, and I could care less if the people who would feel alienated don't come. Those are the people that my fiance and I are inviting out of a sense of obligation, not because we truly care about having them there. We're making it very clear that they will be turned away at the door if we have not received paperwork, and I don't really care if that annoys them. I may not be able to force them to show paperwork, but I can certainly say that doing so is a condition of being allowed to attend MY wedding. If they choose not to, that's their choice. 
  
  This also isn't unheard of anymore. Requiring proof of vaccination to go to various things is a commonplace practice in many areas. Some venues require it (including for things like concerts, sporting events, etc.) I've seen it done for other weddings, too. 

  Thing is, if you push it, the likelihood is that you will alienate your guests and they won't come, or they will feel resentful. They don't owe you proof of vaccination, because it's a private event. They may just decline your invitation instead. If you prefer that and feel like "oh well, that's on them,"  because you don't really want them there and are inviting them only out of a sense of obligation, that says more about you than it does about them. You aren't "entitled" to have anyone at your wedding, let alone proof that they were vaccinated for Covid, any more than you are entitled to proof that they received booster shots.

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• banana468 member

  

  July 2021

  I'm going to have to disagree with @Jen4948.  If you are OK to accept proof via photo of vaccination card then go for it.  
  
  I "get" that people may not like it.  I also think that you're running a private event and a disease as contagious and dangerous as Covid is not one to mess with.  Until a few weeks ago you couldn't go to Yankee Stadium or MSG without proof of vaccination.  This is the OP's private event and she has the right to set parameters.  
  
  Perhaps if more people got vaccinated then this wouldn't be an issue.

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• maine7mob member

  

  July 2021

  Dunno if this link will work, but here is one example of an adult flower "girl:"
  https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=817418792475481
  
  
  
  

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• MobKaz member

  

  July 2021

  dinasp said:

  They absolutely do owe me proof of vaccination. It's a private event, and it's my event. I can choose who is allowed to attend. I care less about alienating the people who don't want to provide proof than about alienating my close family. I also know my crowd and how most will feel about it, and I could care less if the people who would feel alienated don't come. Those are the people that my fiance and I are inviting out of a sense of obligation, not because we truly care about having them there. We're making it very clear that they will be turned away at the door if we have not received paperwork, and I don't really care if that annoys them. I may not be able to force them to show paperwork, but I can certainly say that doing so is a condition of being allowed to attend MY wedding. If they choose not to, that's their choice. 
  
  This also isn't unheard of anymore. Requiring proof of vaccination to go to various things is a commonplace practice in many areas. Some venues require it (including for things like concerts, sporting events, etc.) I've seen it done for other weddings, too. 

  
  Seems to me you are using your wedding to be deliberately rude and instigating.  If you don't want them there then own it and simply take them off your list.  It reads more that your imposition of a "vax pass" is your deflection of making them the bad guy. 
  

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• short+sassy member

  

  July 2021

  banana468 said:

  I'm going to have to disagree with @Jen4948.  If you are OK to accept proof via photo of vaccination card then go for it.  
  
  I "get" that people may not like it.  I also think that you're running a private event and a disease as contagious and dangerous as Covid is not one to mess with.  Until a few weeks ago you couldn't go to Yankee Stadium or MSG without proof of vaccination.  This is the OP's private event and she has the right to set parameters.  
  
  Perhaps if more people got vaccinated then this wouldn't be an issue.

  Some work places are now requiring their employees to be vaccinated also.  
  
  My friend's workplace "sort of" went this route.  There are only about 15 people in her office.  They said everyone needs to wear masks in the common areas until everyone is vaccinated.  About one third have refused to get vaccinated yet.  So everyone is still wearing masks there.

  

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• banana468 member

  

  July 2021

  My own husband has said that the # of people he sees without masks at his office vs. the percent reporting that they would be vaccinated mean that he has to be working with people who are not vaccinated and not masked.  
  
  I fail to see why the honor system is something people think works.    I wonder if those who tout it will run their businesses on it. 

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• maine7mob member

  

  July 2021

  Exactly, @banana468. I see people who I know are not vaccinated (they straight up said they weren't getting the shots) not wearing masks at my CHURCH. Cheaters are everywhere.

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