Classic: Don't. Participate. In. Erasure.

mrsconn23 · August 2021

A friend of mine recently came out as queer, and I’m not sure how to feel about it. First starters, she has only dated men and is currently married to a man. She is a stay-at-home mother with two kids and wants another one. For all intents and purposes, she lives a very heterosexual lifestyle. I would never accuse someone of lying about her sexuality but I don’t think she’s really queer. She has always been an attention-seeker which is why I think she’s claiming to be queer. Homophobia is very real and I’m afraid people like my friend who pretend to be queer are trivializing real issues faced by gay people. How can I tell her to stop?

charlotte989875 · August 2021

You don’t get to decide someone else’s sexuality or gender.

banana468 · August 2021

You don't get to tell her to stop. You don't get to decide if she is or isn't "queer enough" to meet your definition. What you DO need to do is educate yourself.

flantastic · August 2021

The things that people feel they should insert themselves into

mrsconn23 · August 2021

With friends like you, LW, who needs enemies? Do this person a favor and distance yourself from them. They don't need people who think like you in their lives and it doesn't sound like you like them very much.

Also you think you're being an 'ally' by worrying about the plight of 'real' LGBTQ+ people, but you're doing it all wrong. It starts in your closest relationships, and you've failed.

VarunaTT · August 2021

FFS. IDK why you get to have feels at all, LW, since you're not in this person's bed.

Stay in your lane.

**storms off grumbling about punchcards and heteronormativity and patriarchy and bullshit that we're still dealing with in this year 2021"

ETA: This is why queer people hide their labels, is BS like this.

short+sassy · August 2021

Good news, LW. What you think about someone's sexuality is irrelevant, so you don't need to (nor should you) "tell her to stop".

However, I do wholeheartedly agree with you that LGBTQ people face real issues (pointedly looking AT YOU, LW).

levioosa · August 2021

Hey LW, fuck you.

mrsconn23 · August 2021

short+sassy said:

Good news, LW. What you think about someone's sexuality is irrelevant, so you don't need to (nor should you) "tell her to stop".

However, I do wholeheartedly agree with you that LGBTQ people face real issues (pointedly looking AT YOU, LW).

Dude, I hate this post-fact world where someone's thoughts and feelings are 'facts'. THEY'RE FUCKING NOT. Guess what? Your thoughts and feelings aren't real for more than the time you think them or feel them because your thoughts and feelings CHANGE.

banana468 · August 2021

In general the feelings of "this thing isn't relevant unless I deem it so" is such an AH attitude. We see it with brides all the time when they have the "it's not a real relationship" all the time and it's worse when we see people of one race say that if they didn't experience the same thing as another race then their concerns aren't valid. Eff off with all of it.

CharmedPam · August 2021

I read “how can I tell her to stop?”

and I’m like “stop what?”

mrsconn23 · August 2021

CharmedPam said:

I read “how can I tell her to stop?”

and I’m like “stop what?”

LOL, right?

Also people can be obnoxious and attention-seeking, in a 'hetero' marriage with kids, and queer. All at the same time!

You can tell someone to stop being 'attention seeking', but I don't think it will go over well. But you shouldn't tell someone to 'stop being queer' because...um...that's not a thing?

Again, I think this friendship should just be over.