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Bridal Party was TOLD to pay Bridal Shower

knottie2ff4cc29524ff6deknottie2ff4cc29524ff6de newb
in Pre-wedding Parties
My friend is getting married and basically voluntold, yes voluntold her bridesmaids to plan her shower and split the cost between us. I expressed my financial situation and that I just can't afford to foot this bill right now because I'm building a home, but I will try to help. Now the bride is super involved looking at expensive venues that are almost equal to wedding prices around $25 pp and up. I feel like if we were TOLD to plan this event, then we should decide the venue, catering etc, and obviously keep her vision in mind. How should I handle this? I feel like if you're going to be this involved as a bride then just plan what you want, and we'll help in every way. But why should I be financially responsible? I'm trying to be considerate and I want her to be happy, but the demands are killing me. Is this normal to expect the BMs to pay? I haven't found out if the MOB or grooms mom is willing to help. Please send me your thoughts! Thank you!
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Re: Bridal Party was TOLD to pay Bridal Shower

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    downtondivadowntondiva member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I say if you can't afford it, you can't afford it, and you shouldn't spend money you don't currently have on this bridal shower just because someone had the nerve to demand it of you. Your "friend" should have waited for someone to offer to throw a shower, and she is totally in the wrong here. 

    Stand your ground and tell her that you cannot afford to do this right now and therefore won't. 
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    GET OUT.

    Seriously.   Just back out of all of it now.   If this is how she's acting for a shower nothing else will be good.   Either be prepared to be firm with your comments,"I appreciate that this is what you want.  My budget is $X for the shower."

    If she's close I'd consider a CTJ and tell her how entitled and rude that is.  If you can't and don't see her as reasonable back out of the wedding. 
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    MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    knottie2ff4cc29524ff6de said:
    My friend is getting married and basically voluntold, yes voluntold her bridesmaids to plan her shower and split the cost between us. I expressed my financial situation and that I just can't afford to foot this bill right now because I'm building a home, but I will try to help. Now the bride is super involved looking at expensive venues that are almost equal to wedding prices around $25 pp and up. I feel like if we were TOLD to plan this event, then we should decide the venue, catering etc, and obviously keep her vision in mind. How should I handle this? I feel like if you're going to be this involved as a bride then just plan what you want, and we'll help in every way. But why should I be financially responsible? I'm trying to be considerate and I want her to be happy, but the demands are killing me. Is this normal to expect the BMs to pay? I haven't found out if the MOB or grooms mom is willing to help. Please send me your thoughts! Thank you!

    No "friend" makes demands of your time and finances.  The bride does not host her own events nor does she insist anyone else host them. This is NOT normal.  Since this sounds as if this is not her first demand, these are other items that are NOT required...
    **insisting hair and make up be professionally done at your expense,
    **requiring a specific shoe,
    **demanding you spend a price point on a BM dress not agreed upon,
    **organizing and paying for any....ANY pre-wedding party from shower to bachelorette event.
    Honestly, I would also reconsider being a BM if this is how a "friend" treats her friends.
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    maine7mobmaine7mob member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2020
    Never, ever, ever tell someone WHY you can't afford to pay for their ridiculous demands. Just say no. No one has the right to tell you how to spend your money, whether you are a toll collector or Bill Gates. It's not about your bank account.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    "Unfortunately, Bride, paying for the expenses is not a possibility for me. I can do X, but that's my maximum." No explanations, no defensiveness, nothing else.

    If she takes that negatively, then drop out of the wedding because she's not giving you any other choice.
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    knottiec9959c8fb9fe9197knottiec9959c8fb9fe9197 member
    First Comment
    As someone who has been married before and been a part of many other weddings, your friend is crazy. She needs to host it if she wants a specific experience.
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    ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    knottiec9959c8fb9fe9197 said:
    As someone who has been married before and been a part of many other weddings, your friend is crazy. She needs to host it if she wants a specific experience.
    The bride isn't suppose to host her own bridal shower.
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