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• ei34 member

  

  August 2021

  I answered you on a different board. If you cross-post, put XP in the title 

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• banana468 member

  

  August 2021

  hannahcooper1333 said:

  What should I do? I asked my maid of honor to be my maid of honor awhile ago. It’s important to mention that I discussed first with her her plans for trying for a baby. She told me her plans were to start trying with her husband two months before the wedding. So she would possibly be pregnant but at max two months pregnant. Which was fine. Well then i guess due to Covid they decided to try earlier. And now her due date is just a few weeks before my wedding. I’ve mentioned time and time again that I don’t want kids at my wedding, especially newborns. Which makes me feel super selfish but I just really don’t want a crying baby. So she told me not to worry that baby wouldn’t be at the wedding. I offered to have her step down at MOH since her due date was so soon and I understood  and she said no. But then when mentioning in a conversation about how we are getting ready at the resort she mentioned that wasn’t possible due to having to be near the baby at the hotel. So I had to change those plans, then she mentioned that whenever the baby needs to eat the person who’s watching him will bring him to the wedding for her to nurse. Because she only wants him to get feed from her so early on. Which means the baby will be at my wedding. Then at the bachelorette party it was all about her. She’s 4-5 months now, and we had to push her in a wheelchair due to her pregnancy and she even took the best room in the Airbnb claiming she should have it cause she’s pregnant. And that she couldn’t share the room because she’s pregnant. On top of that her husband called me a cussed me out screaming at me when she accidentally took my car keys so I asked her to miss her flight to bring them back to me, because the rest of the girls drove but she flew because she was pregnant and we were stranded without my keys. I’m so happy for my friend that she’s having a baby, and I don’t want to lose her as a friend. But I’m really thinking of asking her to step down. Even just as a bridesmaid instead of MOH.  Is this selfish? What should I do
  

  C&P of answer below.  I will also add that when she actually conceived is non of your concern.   A lot of what you are writing seems like you're white-knuckle controlling one day.  
  
  Yes.   Yes it's selfish to ask her to step down.  
  
  I never "get" the concept of people who don't want crying babies at weddings.  At the newborn stage the kids are generally quieter and less noisy.   
  
  That said, I think your friend is unrealistic.  Can you help me understand why she's in a wheelchair? Is it a particularly problematic pregnancy?  How did she wind up with your keys and why was her H involved and swearing at you?  This doesn't make a lot of sense. 
  
  I'll be honest that most people think they'll be doing things when they're 2 weeks post partum and when I was that far along I wore pajamas all day unless the kiddo had a doctor appointment.  But everyone is different. 
  
  Here's what I think you need to do:  Put the ball in her court.  If she's there it's great and if she's not she's a maid of honor in absentia.  There is no good at all that comes from "asking her to step down" from an honorary role.  It only serves to hurt her feelings, the feelings of anyone else that you want to promote ("Congratulations!!  You're second best!!") and makes you the bride look selfish.  Instead - tell her that as a new mom, she can play it by ear and figure it out. 
  
  If she's nursing, the baby is going to eat constantly.  It's often every 2 hours and sometimes more.   It's just easier to have the baby with you the entire time.  It would be a non-working situation to have to have her run away to feed the baby and I think the goal of doing that is a sign that this is her first rodeo.  But  the good news is that a lot of babies just sleep and nuzzle and you don't see them.   I had my son with me at a wedding when he was 5 wks old.  No one knew that he was there until he came out from under the nursing cover. 
  

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  August 2021

  I totally agree with @banana468 on all points!
  
  

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