Isn't It Rude to NOT RSVP??

Re: Isn't It Rude to NOT RSVP??

• kerbohl member

  

  August 2021

  It's inevitable that some people don't RSVP, and you have to follow-up.  So annoying, but from what I've heard there are always some!  You still have a few days left - hopefully they are just procrastinators and waiting until the last minute.  Try not to get too angry until a few days after the due date (though I remember waiting very anxiously to get all those RSVPs confirmed in order to solidify planning).
  
  And yeah, fourth hand information is NOT an RSVP.  You need to get it in writing!  Did they have to chose a dinner on their RSVP as well when they mailed it back?

  
  

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  August 2021

  Yes it is rude but you do still have a few days before the due date. Also mail can be problematic nowadays (DD had an invitation that didn't arrive at the guest's house until after the wedding date!). It does sound like your FI will have to be making some calls though. Take a deep breath and try to relax.

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• mrsconn23 member

  

  August 2021

  Yes, it's a simple task.  Yes, it's kind of rude not to respond.  Also as someone who's very busy with a job and family, plus the fact I rarely mail anything, I'd probably have about 3-4 attempts to get it to the mailbox before it would make it.  And this would be true for an acquaintance's wedding or if my sister was getting married. 
  
  However, you have a little bit of time before they're due and you'll probably get stragglers up to a week after.  I'd let the date pass by about 3-5 days and then start making calls. Have your FI call or text his people. 
  
  And keep it breezy, "Hey Friend A, I haven't gotten your RSVP for our wedding yet.  I hope you and your H can come celebrate with us.  Let me know by x date so we can get our headcount in!"  or "Hi Aunt B! I was talking to Cousin C and they said you were planning to come to our wedding.  I haven't gotten your RSVP yet, but can I put you down as attending?  Did you want chicken or steak?" 

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  August 2021

  knottie1a7d83381fcf63e7 said:

  I sent out formal wedding invites with a pre-addressed/stamped envelope to return their RSVPs.  My 50 guests off the list all responded well before the due date.  Of my fiancé's 50,  there are still 38 people in the wind with just days left before the due date.  He is hearing 4th hand information like "I heard from my sister that she saw your uncle who said your niece booked her hotel room.  That is not an RSVP!!  She booked a hotel room, well good for her!  HA!  I am refusing to add anyone to the Accept list unless we get the RSVP back in the mail or, when he has to finally call all 38, they personally confirm YES.  
  
  These slackers aren't clueless bachelors who still bring their dirty laundry home for their mom to wash.  These are fully functioning adults, middle aged married people with jobs and kids!
  
  Isn't this tacky and rude, or am I naïve in thinking people can actually follow through with a very simple task?  
  
  What I REALLY want to know is, DID THEY ALL JUST STEAL MY STAMPS FOR THEIR OWN PERSONAL USE??!!  LMAO!
  
  But seriously, what's up?!?  Thanks!  Kerry

  While it is rude not to RSVP, there's nothing wrong with sending your RSVP on the last day. You haven't even reached the due date left; it's too early to be upset about this.
  
  Practically speaking, this is totally normal. People have lives and they forget. RSVPs get lost in busy homes or delayed in the mail. Most people don't have a daily or weekly pile of outgoing mail like they would have 30 years ago. I drove around with my holiday cards for two weeks last year because the post office wasn't in my normal errands. 
  
  Any time you host an event, you have to expect that you're going to need to chase down a few RSVPs. If they're your FI's side of the family, he needs to call each of them (after the deadline has passed) and get their RSVP. 

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• VarunaTT member

  

  August 2021 edited August 2021

  At this point in my life and the way communications have changed, I'd far prefer being able to just text someone or have a website I can confirm to, than mail a card back for a multitude of reasons.  Etiquette wise, yeah it's rude; it's also the year of our lord 2021 and I barely mail any thing anymore.
  
  It's too early and this always happens.  It's why you're supposed to leave enough time before the RSVP date and the actual due date for your caterer, so you can follow up with people.  I'm hoping you're focusing in on this out of frustration and you're not at this level of bridezilla about everything.
  
  ETA:  I re-read this and you need to sit your judgmental self down too.  "My side is so much better!!!".  Gross.

  �

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• banana468 member

  

  August 2021

  VarunaTT said:

  At this point in my life and the way communications have changed, I'd far prefer being able to just text someone or have a website I can confirm to, than mail a card back for a multitude of reasons.  Etiquette wise, yeah it's rude; it's also the year of our lord 2021 and I barely mail any thing anymore.
  
  It's too early and this always happens.  It's why you're supposed to leave enough time before the RSVP date and the actual due date for your caterer, so you can follow up with people.  I'm hoping you're focusing in on this out of frustration and you're not at this level of bridezilla about everything.

  Pretty much this. 
  
  I get it.  I felt the same way when I got married.  Now I am older, have more things going on and do forget about stuff especially in a pandemic.
  
  The date isn't even here yet.  Wait until it passes and start to ask. 

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• ei34 member

  

  August 2021

  Not sure about tacky, but I agree that it’s rude to not rsvp.  Unlike most of the PP I do still physically mail things, and I don’t think there’s anything terribly confusing or inconvenient about mailing back a wedding response card.  I will say I leave my home at least once per day and where I live there are mailboxes every few blocks, so that may not be the case for most.  
  
  

  But- you’re putting the cart ahead of the horse.  No one is dragging their feet until the deadline has come and gone.  With the delta variant and unvaccinated kids at home, I’d be waiting until the last possible second to rsvp.  

  
  

  You’re smart to not rely on 4th hand information.  Once the rsvp date has passed (hopefully it’s a few days before your caterer and venue need hard numbers, and not some super early arbitrary date) your FI will have to contact “his” guests and ask for a definitive yes and no.  And at that point however the guests tell him (phone call, text) that’s the accepted answer…don’t still wait for their rsvp cards.  

  
  

  My soon-to-be-former in laws are the freaking WORST at rsvp’ing, your post actually reminded me I won’t have to deal with that anymore. Woohoo! And good luck! 

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• mrsconn23 member

  

  August 2021 edited August 2021

  ei34 said:

  Not sure about tacky, but I agree that it’s rude to not rsvp.  Unlike most of the PP I do still physically mail things, and I don’t think there’s anything terribly confusing or inconvenient about mailing back a wedding response card.  I will say I leave my home at least once per day and where I live there are mailboxes every few blocks, so that may not be the case for most.  
  

  
  

  If I actually worked in the office, I'd be more 'on it' with mail because we have convenient drop-boxes/bins that are collected 2 times a day.  Plus, I'd mail something to a member at least once a day. 
  
  At home, I get caught up in stuff and leave it on the table or something and forget 2-3 times before I remember to grab what I'm mailing and take it out when we go to the bus.  LOL  

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• ei34 member

  

  August 2021

  mrsconn23 said:

  ei34 said:

  Not sure about tacky, but I agree that it’s rude to not rsvp.  Unlike most of the PP I do still physically mail things, and I don’t think there’s anything terribly confusing or inconvenient about mailing back a wedding response card.  I will say I leave my home at least once per day and where I live there are mailboxes every few blocks, so that may not be the case for most.  
  

  
  

  If I actually worked in the office, I'd be more 'on it' with mail because we have convenient drop-boxes/bins that are collected 2 times a day.  Plus, I'd mail something to a member at least once a day. 
  
  At home, I get caught up in stuff and leave it on the table or something and forget 2-3 times before I remember to grab what I'm mailing and take it out when we go to the bus.  LOL  

  Yes! I get it. Which is why I added I get out of my house often and there are mailboxes all over the place by me, it’s not as much a chore.  I also have a few aunts (and my mom) who love receiving mail, so my kids send them notes and paintings frequently…I have them write thank you cards for bday gifts that I then mail…my water bill can only be mailed, not paid online…lol. I just..still physically mail things a lot. 

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  August 2021

  ei34 said:

  mrsconn23 said:

  ei34 said:

  Not sure about tacky, but I agree that it’s rude to not rsvp.  Unlike most of the PP I do still physically mail things, and I don’t think there’s anything terribly confusing or inconvenient about mailing back a wedding response card.  I will say I leave my home at least once per day and where I live there are mailboxes every few blocks, so that may not be the case for most.  
  

  
  

  If I actually worked in the office, I'd be more 'on it' with mail because we have convenient drop-boxes/bins that are collected 2 times a day.  Plus, I'd mail something to a member at least once a day. 
  
  At home, I get caught up in stuff and leave it on the table or something and forget 2-3 times before I remember to grab what I'm mailing and take it out when we go to the bus.  LOL  

  Yes! I get it. Which is why I added I get out of my house often and there are mailboxes all over the place by me, it’s not as much a chore.  I also have a few aunts (and my mom) who love receiving mail, so my kids send them notes and paintings frequently…I have them write thank you cards for bday gifts that I then mail…my water bill can only be mailed, not paid online…lol. I just..still physically mail things a lot. 

  I always physically mail thank you notes, and I love receiving notes from my grandkids!

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• kerbohl member

  

  August 2021

  ei34 said:

  Not sure about tacky, but I agree that it’s rude to not rsvp.  Unlike most of the PP I do still physically mail things, and I don’t think there’s anything terribly confusing or inconvenient about mailing back a wedding response card.  I will say I leave my home at least once per day and where I live there are mailboxes every few blocks, so that may not be the case for most.  
  
  

  But- you’re putting the cart ahead of the horse.  No one is dragging their feet until the deadline has come and gone.  With the delta variant and unvaccinated kids at home, I’d be waiting until the last possible second to rsvp.  

  
  

  You’re smart to not rely on 4th hand information.  Once the rsvp date has passed (hopefully it’s a few days before your caterer and venue need hard numbers, and not some super early arbitrary date) your FI will have to contact “his” guests and ask for a definitive yes and no.  And at that point however the guests tell him (phone call, text) that’s the accepted answer…don’t still wait for their rsvp cards.  

  
  

  My soon-to-be-former in laws are the freaking WORST at rsvp’ing, your post actually reminded me I won’t have to deal with that anymore. Woohoo! And good luck! 

  There's a mailbox near my house - if I need to mail something, I make sure the route I walk my dog at night goes past it.  I do still like to physically mail things.  I cut back on it this year because I didn't know how people would feel about getting mail during a pandemic.

  
  

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• short+sassy member

  

  August 2021

  ei34 said:

  mrsconn23 said:

  ei34 said:

  Not sure about tacky, but I agree that it’s rude to not rsvp.  Unlike most of the PP I do still physically mail things, and I don’t think there’s anything terribly confusing or inconvenient about mailing back a wedding response card.  I will say I leave my home at least once per day and where I live there are mailboxes every few blocks, so that may not be the case for most.  
  

  
  

  If I actually worked in the office, I'd be more 'on it' with mail because we have convenient drop-boxes/bins that are collected 2 times a day.  Plus, I'd mail something to a member at least once a day. 
  
  At home, I get caught up in stuff and leave it on the table or something and forget 2-3 times before I remember to grab what I'm mailing and take it out when we go to the bus.  LOL  

  Yes! I get it. Which is why I added I get out of my house often and there are mailboxes all over the place by me, it’s not as much a chore.  I also have a few aunts (and my mom) who love receiving mail, so my kids send them notes and paintings frequently…I have them write thank you cards for bday gifts that I then mail…my water bill can only be mailed, not paid online…lol. I just..still physically mail things a lot. 

  What?!?!  I don't have the most technologically backwards utility companies in the nation?  I am completely stunned, lol.  We could finally start paying online for the sewerage/water bill about 3-4 years ago.

  

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• CharmedPam member

  

  August 2021

  ei34 said:

  Yes! I get it. Which is why I added I get out of my house often and there are mailboxes all over the place by me, it’s not as much a chore.  I also have a few aunts (and my mom) who love receiving mail, so my kids send them notes and paintings frequently…I have them write thank you cards for bday gifts that I then mail…my water bill can only be mailed, not paid online…lol. I just..still physically mail things a lot. 

  Yeah, my sewage company only takes payments with the invoice payment slip (aka mailed). My walmart has a pay service connected with them so I just pay the $1 walmart wire fee once a year in one lump sum.  Annoying. Technically, my water company says they want the slip portion with payment too, but I pay through my bank (they mail the water company the check) and I have my acct number in the memo field of it - it’s never been a problem yet, 6 years so far. 
  

  
  

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• ei34 member

  

  August 2021

  Haha by me the towns are broken into villages, hamlets…don’t ask me the differences but I live in a hamlet so our water district (and fire dept, library etc) are very small operations.  In my defense the water is the only bill I don’t pay online! 😝

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