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His extended family doesn't all know that I was married before....

Avion22Avion22 member
2500 Comments 5 Love Its
in Second Weddings

I was married before.   My husband passed away suddenly about four years ago, after we had been married for four years.    I've obviously dealt with the loss and been able to move on from it, but due to the sudden (and somewhat violent) nature of his death, it's just not something I talk about a lot with people I don't know very well.

It's my fiance's first marriage, and we're in our early 30s.  While his close family (parents and siblings) know that I was married before, a lot of his cousins, aunts, uncles, etc don't.  Quiet frankly, I don't see how it changes things, and I don't know that it's really any of their business....but I also don't want to seem like I'm hiding things from people.  It's not that I DON'T want people to know, it's just an awkward and kind of painful topic for me and my family.

Do I have some obligation to inform people that I've been married before?  Will it be weird if someone from my family alludes to my first marriage at the reception, and people from my fiance's side don't know about it? 

Or am I worried over nothing?

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Re: His extended family doesn't all know that I was married before....

  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Worried over nothing.  If his immediate family didn't know, I'd say make sure they were informed.  Other than that, if it comes up, just make sure his family has a stock line to answer nosy aunt Ethel's query.  If they know the circumstances, they probably already will.  But if you want them to say something specific, let them know what it is.  For example, "Considering the tragic circumstances, Avion prefers to not talk about it."   ~Donna
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  • Soon2bMrsD5860Soon2bMrsD5860 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think that is a concern of you and your FI.  Mine and his immediate family know i was married in the past, but it is not a fact that I advertise to the world.  Its not that I am ashamed or any reason other than it was a long, extremely painful process and I don't even like to think about it.  I don't think it woukd change how anyone ekse feels about you, nor do I think it would be weird for those not in the know. 

    I thunk you are too worried about something that is not so big.
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the responses:-)   It's nice to have other people's perspective.  I'll stop worrying.
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  • danibrunidanibruni member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have kind of the same situation but even his immediate family doesn't know. I've been with my fiancé for 3 years now and we're getting married in October but I'm afraid that it will show up on our license that I was previously married. Do you know if indeed it does state that in the marriage license? We don't want his family to find out... Any insights?
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  • ginadogginadog member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    My FI's immediate family doesn't know yet that I was previously married.  We've been together 3 years and engaged to be married next summer.

    We've talked about whether or not we should say anything to them.  They adore me and love me, so I don't (hope) think that wouldn't change their opinion of me.

    However, I'm not sure I find it necessary that they know.  I mean do I tell them I also did something stupid in college that is in my past?  I feel it's along those same lines - it's in the past and it's not relevant to the current day.

    I do not have that, 'OMG what if they find out!' feeling.
    http://ginadog.weebly.com
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  • LilCrumpetLilCrumpet member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Most of the time I feel like things in my past are no one's business but mine and my fiance's... everyone there doesn't need to know what happened.. it is understadably a horrible tragedy what happened.. and no one needs to speak of it on such a happy day for you and your fiance.. I feel like asking you about your past is something the future hubby's mom does the first time she meets you.. after that it's never to be brought up again.. it's not a big deal.. and not of anyone's concern. Go to your wedding and focus on your day.. not on the past! :)
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  • jessib33jessib33 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I was married and divorced while in college.  I made sure my FI knew, but I'm not sure if he told his parents or anyone else in his family. And frankly I don't really want to broadcast my dumb mistakes to the world and I don't really think it's anyone else's business.

    If it comes up (like say if my mom says something like "this is so much nicer than her first wedding", I plan on just shrugging it off with a "yes it is" and changing the subject. :) 
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  • formymoushformymoush member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I completely understand! I'm 32 now, my first marriage I was 23, last yrs, I was young. I got divorced and stuggled badly afterwards, (trust issues) partly because my parents are divorced too. Fi and I just got engaged, and been together for 5 yrs!
    I did tell him in the begining. At the time I was feeling that this is my business, not everyone needs to know your business, and another part of it was the fact we weren't sure at the time where this relationship was going blah blah, plus his parents are kinda old skool.
    So his parents dont know, I feel bad sometimes .. it was a long time ago, and that's my life and it has nothing to do with anyone else!!
    Don't stress!!!!!!
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