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Pushy Friend

knottiedaa176cd64c47683knottiedaa176cd64c47683 member
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in Chit Chat
Has anyone had any experience with a friend who acts like they are "in charge" of your wedding but isn't?   I have a friend who is acting like my maid of honor but she isn't even in the wedding. She has been calling my family and other friends about a shower. She is reporting to my parents that I spend night's at my fiancee's. Need help. 
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Re: Pushy Friend

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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    knottiedaa176cd64c47683 said:
    Has anyone had any experience with a friend who acts like they are "in charge" of your wedding but isn't?   I have a friend who is acting like my maid of honor but she isn't even in the wedding. She has been calling my family and other friends about a shower. She is reporting to my parents that I spend night's at my fiancee's. Need help. 
    Stop discussing the wedding with her. If she brings it up, change the subject. 

    Why is she in contact with your parents? This is super weird to me. Why do your parents care that you're at your FI's? 

    I think you're going to need to have an honest conversation with her friend and tell her that she's crossing the line. 
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    knottiedaa176cd64c47683knottiedaa176cd64c47683 member
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    yeah it's weird....I don't get it.  She "originally" called my mother about the shower.  Then she called to "just chat".  My mother was like "she is an adult". We are also moving in together as soon as I can sell my condo. 
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    knottiedaa176cd64c47683 said:
    yeah it's weird....I don't get it.  She "originally" called my mother about the shower.  Then she called to "just chat".  My mother was like "she is an adult". We are also moving in together as soon as I can sell my condo. 
    I've been friends with my best friends for over 25 years, and none of them even have my parents' number. And why is your mom entertaining your friend "tattling" on you? Why would she think your mom cares that you stay over your FI's house? 
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    knottiedaa176cd64c47683knottiedaa176cd64c47683 member
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    She's not.  My mother was annoyed. That's how I found out. I have other friends that my mother knows very well so my mother was like-who the hell is this? Plus my mother and her sisters were already planning a shower for me and this "friend" called to say it was wrong. My mother-very sweet lady who does not suffer fools-informed her that she has known me my whole life and knows exactly what I want.

    Yeah I think I need to have a chat. 
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    banana468banana468 member
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    A few friends may have my parents' # because that was my number when we were kids and were friends.   One old friend has moved away but I know the # to the house she no longer lives in. 

    That said, this is a CTJ conversation with the friend that has nothing to do with your wedding and everything to do with her attempting to run your life.    Quite quickly you need to shut that down about the when you sleep at your FI's place and I would probably not let her know the intimate details of your life.  

    And because stuff like that irritates me while I don't normally advise telling people they aren't in the BP I'd probably phrase shower discussions with, "Oh I'm so flattered you're thinking about that.  Since the wedding is so far off I'm assuming my family and my bridesmaids and maid of honor aren't thinking about that yet but I can tell them that you're interested in being involved." 
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    banana468 said:
    A few friends may have my parents' # because that was my number when we were kids and were friends.   One old friend has moved away but I know the # to the house she no longer lives in. 

    That said, this is a CTJ conversation with the friend that has nothing to do with your wedding and everything to do with her attempting to run your life.    Quite quickly you need to shut that down about the when you sleep at your FI's place and I would probably not let her know the intimate details of your life.  

    And because stuff like that irritates me while I don't normally advise telling people they aren't in the BP I'd probably phrase shower discussions with, "Oh I'm so flattered you're thinking about that.  Since the wedding is so far off I'm assuming my family and my bridesmaids and maid of honor aren't thinking about that yet but I can tell them that you're interested in being involved." 
    This exactly. Stop sharing details of your life with her. 
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    knottiedaa176cd64c47683knottiedaa176cd64c47683 member
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    I know....but she ran into us at a breakfast place once ....and a few times when we were out with mutual friends-Fiancee and I left together...it's nuts
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    knottiedaa176cd64c47683 said:
    I know....but she ran into us at a breakfast place once ....and a few times when we were out with mutual friends-Fiancee and I left together...it's nuts
    first of all, why is she assuming where you stayed the night? Just because I've gone out to breakfast with someone doesn't mean I've spent the night with them. And leaving together also doesn't mean you've stayed the night. 

    And second, why does she care? 
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    banana468banana468 member
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    climbingsingle said:
    knottiedaa176cd64c47683 said:
    I know....but she ran into us at a breakfast place once ....and a few times when we were out with mutual friends-Fiancee and I left together...it's nuts
    first of all, why is she assuming where you stayed the night? Just because I've gone out to breakfast with someone doesn't mean I've spent the night with them. And leaving together also doesn't mean you've stayed the night. 

    And second, why does she care? 
    All of that.  Are you showing up to breakfast in pajamas with bed head?  And if you do why is this something that matters?  


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    karenburton1305karenburton1305 member
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    Omg my mum had this - had a bridesmaid who wasn't even her closest friend pushing for what my mum should wear/moaning about dress fitting times etc. Not in our lives anymore funnily enough ahaha
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    knottie9619bf9f32bce5fdknottie9619bf9f32bce5fd member
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    I would talk to her about it and explain that it's making you uncomfortable. Especially the part about contacting your parents. If she's not even in the wedding party and making herself such a part of it, it could be that she's jealous or feels left out. Let her know that she's important to you, but that you already have people taking care of that stuff. If she persists or is too dense to get it, I might consider uninviting her. That may seem harsh, but she has to respect your boundaries. 
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    forevermarriedbrainshadiaforevermarriedbrainshadia newb
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    edited September 2021
    Ok so your best friend could be telling people about your wedding shower for more gifts for you. And your parents might not want you to spend nights with your FI before your wedding and has your friends on look out. It is very important that you listen to your family about the rules that they have for the whole family that has been going on threw out history so that you dont mess things up. And you should tell your friend how many people you are inviting to your wedding shower. I do hope you enjoy your wedding day. 
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    banana468banana468 member
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    @forevermarriedbrainshadia you're responding to old threads.  At this point the OP hasn't even logged on in 6 months.  
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