Dear Prudence,
This past summer, my husband and I were at the lake, and a fun-looking group of people our age set up camp next to us. Having moved to the area the summer before COVID hit, we were eager and excited to make friends. We ended up talking, and hit it off with them. The unofficial leader of the group, “Heather,” told us her fiancé “Jared” was deployed, returning in a few weeks. We started spending almost every weekend with Heather, Jared, and their large circle of friends/neighbors. It was wonderful! Eventually we learned a bit about Jared’s ex-wife, who we were told gave false allegations of child abuse in order to obtain full custody in the divorce. I felt awful for Jared, who seemed like a really nice guy that badly missed his (two) young kids. When Heather announced she was pregnant, I was elated for them.
Imagine my horrified shock at finding out Jared wasn’t deployed when we met Heather. He was serving a jail sentence for multiple counts of incest, against all three (!) of his children with the ex-wife. None of us knew about this third, older kid, because there are only pictures of the two younger children in their home, and neither had mentioned a teenage older daughter. Everything came out after a neighbor googled Jared, having gotten an uneasy feeling watching him play with their young kids. This neighbor also contacted Jared’s ex-wife, who provided documentation showing the divorce was a result of the oldest daughter disclosing the abuse of her and her siblings. On top of it all, Jared had been violating his parole by allowing neighbor kids over to their home. He’s on house arrest now due to these violations, and Heather has cut off communication with anyone not supporting them. I’m friends with several of Heather’s friends, and I know not everyone has been told the truth (I’ve been asked why Jared isn’t at events Heather’s attending). She’s been telling different lies to everyone, and accusing me and others of lying/bullying. Do I have an obligation to try and tell these other friends the truth about Jared? And what about their future child? I can’t stop thinking about that poor kid, and wanting to do something, anything to protect them. Should I just cut ties and try to make peace with everything? Help.
— Conflicted in Colorado