Dear Prudence,
I cook for my husband and me. His mother often joins us, as she works long hours and is frequently too tired to make a meal. But since my sister-in-law moved back here, she will often drop her two sons at a moment’s notice on her mother—like literally as she is leaving to come over for dinner or after she already left (forcing her to double-back or leave the kids alone on the porch).
My mother-in-law is always apologetic, but it leaves me scrambling to fix up extras or find something to feed the boys. I have told my family that I don’t mind having the boys over, but I need at least a week’s notice on which days they are coming over for. This hasn’t happened because my sister-in-law thinks her situation (getting a divorce) means she is exempted from any kind of civility. She has ignored the repeated requests and gone on her merry way.
My husband and I are on a fixed budget, and the closest grocery store is far away. My husband is disabled and can’t legally drive. I need to be able to plan my meal schedule. The last time, I had already used the last of the bread and cold cuts to make our next day lunches, and we were out of milk so the boys had to eat oatmeal and oranges for dinner. My sister-in-law got insulted and texted me that I was a “disgrace” for feeding her sons “slop” instead of going out and getting them fast food. It was the final straw.
I told my husband I was done. Until something was done with his sister, I was on strike. I would cook for myself and make us lunches, but everyone else could survive off Hot Pockets for all I care. He agrees his sister is a selfish jerk, but worries about the boys and his mother. I love my mother-in-law and feel sympathy for the boys, but I can’t keep going like this. Help please.
— Final Straw