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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Dress Code for Traditional Latin Mass (Tridentine Catholic) - need invitation wording advice!
Hi all!
We're getting married at a TLM ceremony and our church has very strict standards of dress. Women who enter the church must not show cleavage, back, knees/thighs or shoulders and must wear a veil. So basically dresses must hit below the knee, have some kind of sleeve and a modest cleavage. I do plan on having a few veils available just in case, and I don't care how guests dress at the reception, but we both have strong convictions about what to wear in church.
I'm planning on adding a "Details" insert to our invitations but am not sure how to word it without being commandeering or having to add a laundry list of requirements. Here is what I have so far:
"The bride and groom kindly request that guests respect the church's guidelines for modest dress during the ceremony...."
Any advice is appreciated!
We're getting married at a TLM ceremony and our church has very strict standards of dress. Women who enter the church must not show cleavage, back, knees/thighs or shoulders and must wear a veil. So basically dresses must hit below the knee, have some kind of sleeve and a modest cleavage. I do plan on having a few veils available just in case, and I don't care how guests dress at the reception, but we both have strong convictions about what to wear in church.
I'm planning on adding a "Details" insert to our invitations but am not sure how to word it without being commandeering or having to add a laundry list of requirements. Here is what I have so far:
"The bride and groom kindly request that guests respect the church's guidelines for modest dress during the ceremony...."
Any advice is appreciated!
Re: Dress Code for Traditional Latin Mass (Tridentine Catholic) - need invitation wording advice!
I haven't seen paper options (do you have a link?) but the veil can be just a triangle of tulle or lace or a shawl placed over the head and shoulders. I personally wear a 1/2 yard of tulle that I sewed together at the ends like an infinity scarf. My parish has a basket at the entrance with lace triangles and bobby pins for visitors, so my plan is to buy lace and cut additional ones for the basket.
I've seen opaque shawls also work as a broad covering of shoulders, backs and upper arms for modesty in churches. Is that also an alternative? My nuptial mass was novus ordo and in English however our parish strongly advised against strapless dresses and modest cleavage. As a result my dress wasn't strapless (but they were fine with sleeveless) and my BMs wore linen shawls over their strapless dresses that were off for the reception.
Shawls over the head are fine, but shawls covering spaghetti straps or strapless dresses are not. A light jacket or cardigan is ok.
Once you described the basket with pieces of cloth and bobby pins, I knew what you were talking about. I'm not Catholic, but think I went to a mass as a child a couple times where women had to have a head covering. Though I feel like a lot of Catholic churches no longer require that? I dated a guy who was Catholic and went to his church a number of times. I wasn't required to wear a head covering, at least at that one.
I would definitely provide the head coverings for your guests as well. It has nothing to do with a lack of respect but I'm more likely to want to grab a veil that was brought to the church that morning than one that could have been in a basket and possibly tossed in there after wearing. As a Catholic that does not veil I'd want to be respectful while also minimizing my cost as I'd likely not want to wear a veil again.
Could you get an accurate count from your guests of those women you know will attend and who may need a head covering so you can account for that and then after your ceremony if you find that you have a surplus of veils that you will not wear you can donate them to your parish?
Unless you're getting married at the Vatican itself following the rules of Vatican City, it's more along the lines of "You don't wear church attire to the beach, don't wear beach attire to church - please dress appropriately and modestly for the situation!"... They won't turn people away because they aren't perfectly dressed especially since weddings draw people in who are not Catholic. I would however not question that they're that strict for yourself so that you don't choose a strapless gown that's above knee length as well as for the WP.
As for wording this - it's part of the info page on your website, pull the exact wording from your parish's website/request sheet nothing more nothing less. End of the day, on your invites "Tridentine/Latin Nuptial Mass" in the invitation wording as it is just like "Black Tie" and "White Tie" as it lets people know the type of service in a Catholic Church you're having with the hope that they'll know how to dress appropriately for mass or opt not to attend the service. "Please wear modest attire during mass, please see info page on wedding website (where you have your parish's exact wording - it takes the heat off of you).."
Without being directed to the church's website for rules on dress and having the understanding after attending some Latin Masses, I would dress conservatively and would not plan to veil. I don't own one and don't intend to at this time. Likely the church will not turn all guests away if they are not adhering strictly to the code (sleevelss dress with thick pashmina covering arms, back and chest? Why does it have to be a sweater??) but I do think that the OP must make sure that she and her wedding party adhere to the strict rules.
And as a parent, if the veil covering is a requirement I would expect that the OP Is providing them because the guests shouldn't have to assume the cost of additional attire requirements to attend the ceremony.
The absolute important thing is that these requirements are presented as the requirements of the Church and not the OP as it sends an incorrect message that the OP is in charge of the Church.
Women who enter the church must not show cleavage, back, knees/thighs or shoulders. They must also wear a veil, which can be provided at the doors of church.
Men must wear shirts and shoes. (Or whatever the corresponding dress code is for them.)
Also, I once attended a service at a (conservative Christian) church where veils were required. They actually had a basket of them with a sign asking the women to take one as they went in. So maybe you could do this?
And finally, does your church refuse entry to those who don't know about the dress code? You need to have a way to handle this if so.
The adults often wore the longer and more "mature" veil to mass.