Nancy Drew's secret baby and the DNA site
Dear Prudence,
My family moved from one state to another when I was in my late teens. I stayed behind to help my aunt recover from surgery. During this time, I had a one-night stand and found that I was pregnant. I confided this in my aunt, and she asked what I wanted to do. Abortion seemed too scary, and I said that I’d like to adopt the baby out. She arranged with my parents that I could stay with her until I graduated high school and helped me arrange the baby’s adoption. Right or wrong, this was done without informing my parents and after the delivery, adoption, and graduation, I joined my family in our new state with no one the wiser.
I’ve never second-guessed this decision, but my sister contacted me last week saying that someone on a DNA ancestry site came back as related to her, and she couldn’t figure out how. After she shared a couple of pictures of this person, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that it’s the baby I had twenty years ago—they bear little resemblance to me but have the very striking features that attracted me to their father. Their age and region are accurate to being my baby as well.
I had no intention of saying anything about how this person is related to us, but since discovering them, my sister has been theorizing that our dad may have had an affair. I don’t know what my next move here should be. I never expected to hear of this baby ever again, but they’re in active communication with my sister trying to figure out where the family tie is. I feel like it’s only a matter of time before they or my sister find themselves on the right trail.
I never did and still don’t want to meet or interact with them. What my family chooses to do whether they puzzle this out on their own or whether I “come clean” is up to them; I just don’t know what I should do or say from here. I know that regardless of how the family connections are discovered, it’s going to be a rocky road with a lot of questions ahead, many of which I believe aren’t anyone’s business but my own.
—Not the Plan
Re: Nancy Drew's secret baby and the DNA site
I think LW just needs some validation and I'll gladly give it. LW is totally right, the answers to those questions are nobody's business by LW's. I could argue that possibly it's the baby's too, but LW doesn't have to offer the info up, confirm it, or respond to it if they don't want to. I feel for all the parties involved, TBH.
My only hesitation is if sis goes to dad. It doesn't say if dad is still married to OG mom or married at all. I think if sis goes to dad and then it causes issues for dad's marriage, LW does need to tell dad privately, with permission to tell dad's spouse (whoever it may be) and request it be kept private. Whether that happens or not, LW can't control, but hopefully dad/spouse would respect that.
I'm mad at the LW for not including the answers to some of these obvious questions readers would have, lol.
While the LW is absolutely entitled to her privacy and, for that reason, it really sucks this whole thing has come up, I think she should tell her immediate family. At least that way, she is the one controlling the narrative.
People need to stop messing with these DNA tests! Lol. I'm kidding. But only a bit.
But also, I want an update because I'm nosy.