Dress Code

Re: Dress Code

• charlotte989875 member

  

  November 2021

  knottie72c56b84c0f16430 said:

  My side (bride) is smaller, lives out of town, and is not as well off as the groom side. The wedding is in a big city where we currently live and most of my guests have never visited before. It’s the Groom’s hometown, and he has a lot of local guests. Groom wants wedding to be black tie, but I think that is asking a lot from my side to travel, hotel, gift, and rent tuxedos (I know nobody on my side owns one). He then asked for black tie optional, but I feel like that would also make my side feel underdressed and uncomfortable as his whole side would dress in tuxedos and mine would not. Any thoughts or ideas? I personally also like the idea of black tie I just feel like it’s already asking a lot from my guests. It might even stop more from coming as many aren’t going to make the trip to begin with. 

  Black tie optional isn’t really a thing. Black tie is not just about what people are wearing but about the event itself. Are you having a formal, evening event? Including passed hors d’eouvres, top shelf open bar, valet parking, etc.? Because if you’re not having a formal event you really shouldn’t be asking people to wear Black Tie. 

  
  

  Taking attire out for a moment- are you (and your guests) comfortable with that formal of an event? I think you and your FI should have a discussion and get on the same page with what type of event you want first, then talk about the specifics. 

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• knottiee33a3f2fd74521ab member

  

  November 2021

  It is a formal event but with a laid back feel (where we can add in). Groom is used to formal black tie weddings where as I am not, so we are trying to incorporate both elements and find the right balance. His guests are used to very formal weddings and galas where as mine are not. It will be evening. There will be a 6/7 pm ceremony followed by a cocktail hour with hors d’eouvres and premium open bar throughout the night followed by a three course seated dinner. Reception will end at midnight followed by an after party. However the venue is not your typical ballroom. I wanted more of an intimate laid back feel so we are doing an industrial rooftop. I also like minimal modern elements (floral, tables, and decorations and cake) 

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  November 2021

  knottie72c56b84c0f16430 said:

  It is a formal event but with a laid back feel (where we can add in). Groom is used to formal black tie weddings where as I am not, so we are trying to incorporate both elements and find the right balance. His guests are used to very formal weddings and galas where as mine are not. It will be evening. There will be a 6/7 pm ceremony followed by a cocktail hour with hors d’eouvres and premium open bar throughout the night followed by a three course seated dinner. Reception will end at midnight followed by an after party. However the venue is not your typical ballroom. I wanted more of an intimate laid back feel so we are doing an industrial rooftop. I also like minimal modern elements (floral, tables, and decorations and cake) 

  So it sounds like a pretty formal event and assuming your invitations convey that through their look and feel my recommendation would be not put anything on the invitations about dress code- his family will likely dress Black Tie based on what you said here and your side is free to wear whatever they are comfortable wearing. I think you’re right to consider what you’re already asking if your guests (travel, accommodations, etc) and not explicitly ask them to buy/rent something else, but if his side wants to dress up they are free to do that. 
  

  
  

  I think the compromise is to not put anything regarding dress code since it doesn’t sound like your venue requires it. If his side wants to wear BT- great, they are free to do so, but you won’t be asking your side to. 

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  November 2021

  Unless the event is truly black tie as @charlotte989875 describe in her first response, you really shouldn't be dictating attire. The only time it is appropriate to dictate attire is if the venue requires it and if it is truly black tie. Your invitations will indicate the formality and your guests will dress appropriately. If they don't, who cares? You will still be married and have a wonderful time. If other guests comment on someones attire, they are just being rude.

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• climbingsingle member

  

  November 2021

  It sounds like a formal event, yes, but not black tie. And "black tie optional" isn't really a thing. Let people wear whatever they like without trying to dictate a "dress code". I think most people know how to dress for an evening wedding. 

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• banana468 member

  

  November 2021

  climbingsingle said:

  It sounds like a formal event, yes, but not black tie. And "black tie optional" isn't really a thing. Let people wear whatever they like without trying to dictate a "dress code". I think most people know how to dress for an evening wedding. 

  All of this.  I like how you're thinking of your guests.  I can tell you that black tie weddings are not common in my circle and when I have had friends and family invited to them they either lamented the cost or declined.  
  
  
  

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• short+sassy member

  

  November 2021

  banana468 said:

  climbingsingle said:

  It sounds like a formal event, yes, but not black tie. And "black tie optional" isn't really a thing. Let people wear whatever they like without trying to dictate a "dress code". I think most people know how to dress for an evening wedding. 

  All of this.  I like how you're thinking of your guests.  I can tell you that black tie weddings are not common in my circle and when I have had friends and family invited to them they either lamented the cost or declined.  
  

  I also like that you are thinking of your guests.  To be blunt, your FI needs to get over this or he is going to make your guests uncomfortable.  You all have chosen to have a formal event, but not a true black tie event.  Which is great!  It does give more flexibility for your all's guests to dress nicely, but not necessarily in tuxedoes or full length gowns.
  
  I'm also not a fan of the term "black tie optional", because it's not a specific meaning, yet is still trying to dictate what your guests should wear.  The venue and tone/style of the invitations will indicate that it's a formal event.
  
  Like @banana468 mentioned, black tie events are really a "know your crowd" kind of thing.  My husband and I occasionally attended black tie events when we were younger.  But we no longer own that type of clothing and, nowadays, would be very unlikely to attend an event that required/hinted at tuxedoes and formal gowns.

  

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