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• geebee908 member

  

  December 2021

  knottiea823a106fa83fabf said:

  My wedding will be in the town where my fiancé and I live, but all of our family lives out of state, so 90% of our guests will be traveling 5+ hours away for the wedding. My in laws have graciously offered to host a rehearsal dinner for immediate family and the bridal party, which is very sweet of them, but I think we really need to do a welcome event for all of our guests instead. I think it will be a nice way of thanking our guests for traveling so far. Also, if we do a small rehearsal dinner, a lot of my family and friends will feel miffed that they weren’t invited. I just want everyone to feel welcome. It doesn’t have to be a formal sit-down event - I think that small bites and and beer/wine would be great. I know cost is understandably a factor, but I and my parents are willing to chip in if need be. Am I being a total bridezilla about this? 

  Your in-laws have told you what they're willing to host and pay for which you can accept or not. If you and your parents want something else, you need to organize and pay for that yourselves. It's wrong to tell your in-laws what kind of party they have to organize and spend their money for them.
  

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  December 2021

  I agree with PP. In today's world, a lot of weddings have the majority of their guests traveling from out of town. While it is nice to have a welcome event, it isn't required. You can either graciously accept your in- laws offer as stated or kindly decline and pay and plan for another type of event. You cannot; however, tell them what kind of event to have even if you chip in money for it. 

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  December 2021

  Please don’t ask your in laws to spend more money or host more people than they have offered to; you run the risk of hurting & offending them. If you want to have a welcome event where everyone is included you need to pay and host it yourself. 

  
  

  I’ve gone to dozens of out of town weddings and unless I’m in the wedding I’ve never expected to be invited to an event before the ceremony. It’s nice when it happens but you won’t offend people by not having one. 

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• mrsconn23 member

  

  December 2021 edited December 2021

  Asking for/suggesting something doesn't make you a 'bridezilla' (an awful term that needs to be retired), but not accepting the answer in this instance does make you unreasonable and could set a tone that will not benefit your future relationship with your IL's.

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• VarunaTT member

  

  December 2021

  When I go out of town for a wedding, I usually use my own time to see something in the place I've traveled to.  I wouldn't go to a welcome event.
  
  Your in-laws said what they could host.  You can accept or not, but you shouldn't ask them to do something else.  Also, the wedding itself is such a busy time, you might find that the small intimate gathering beforehand becomes one of the best memories.

  �

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• MissKittyDanger member

  

  December 2021

  My IL's had a welcome dinner for certain family and my H and his groomsmen.
  
  One out of town wedding I attended we went to a dinner at someone's house but it wasn't a "welcome dinner" - it was because we were there a day early.

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• short+sassy member

  

  December 2021

  Adding on to everyone else, a rehearsal dinner is just that.  A dinner being hosted for the WP who just came from the rehearsal.  Immediate family is usually invited also.  No one else should expect to be invited, much less "miffed" about it.
  
  Your future ILs have offered to host the rehearsal dinner.  That means it's their party for them to plan.  If you, your FI, and your parents would prefer a bigger and more casual event to include everyone, that's fine.  But then you all need to decline your future IL's offer and let them know that you and your parents are planning a welcome party instead.
  
  Your IL's might still offer (do not ask) to contribute money to the welcome party, which would be great.  But once the event is radically changed from what they originally offered, you can no longer assume they will want to help pay for it.

  

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• banana468 member

  

  December 2021

  First - I know you deleted your post.  You're new here so for the future please know that's considered bad netiquette.  
  
  Second - The ladies here are correct.  Gone are the days where hosting the out of town guests meant adding just a couple heads to the rehearsal dinner.  Now that couples meet and their families are rooted possibly out of the country a rehearsal dinner that rivals the size of the main event can be cost prohibitive.  
  
  Accept the offer of your ILs or decline it to host your own entirely.  Doing that would mean that you are not asking them to fund a portion. 
  
  What I would offer as a compromise that I've seen is for you to have an early RD and then announce where you and your FI will be for post-meal refreshments and those who are interested can go to that location if they are interested in drinking with you. 

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• ei34 member

  

  December 2021

  VarunaTT said:

  When I go out of town for a wedding, I usually use my own time to see something in the place I've traveled to.  I wouldn't go to a welcome event.
  
  Your in-laws said what they could host.  You can accept or not, but you shouldn't ask them to do something else.  Also, the wedding itself is such a busy time, you might find that the small intimate gathering beforehand becomes one of the best memories.

  Yup.  If I rsvp yes to a DW, it's because it's a destination I'm interested in traveling to anyway.  Aside from the wedding, that's my vacation.  The wedding guests absolutely won't feel slighted if they're not invited to the RD, that's for the WP.  You and your parents can go ahead and throw an additional event, but you can't expect your IL's to host 90% of the guestlist and it's rude to offer to chip in on what they're graciously offering to host.  

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