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Wedding Woes

Have your husband take his mom shopping for you?

Dear Prudence,

A few years ago, my mother-in-law bought me a small painting of a fox for Christmas, because she knows I like foxes. The painting was not really my taste, but was very beautifully done. So out of politeness, that is what I said. “Thank you so much for the thoughtful gift, what a beautiful piece of art.” I put it in our guest room where she would see it when she visited.
In the years since, she has bought me cards, napkins, notebooks, and mugs from the same artist with some kind of fox artwork printed on them. How do I make it stop without copping to the fact that I never liked the first painting to begin with?

— Outfoxed

Re: Have your husband take his mom shopping for you?

  • My DH made a joke about this to his mom early in our relationship. That people only turn into crazy cat people or horse people or fox people because someone finds out they likes those things and then buys them nothing but things with that interest on them until their whole house is covered.
  • mrsconn23 said:

    Dear Prudence,

    A few years ago, my mother-in-law bought me a small painting of a fox for Christmas, because she knows I like foxes. The painting was not really my taste, but was very beautifully done. So out of politeness, that is what I said. “Thank you so much for the thoughtful gift, what a beautiful piece of art.” I put it in our guest room where she would see it when she visited.
    In the years since, she has bought me cards, napkins, notebooks, and mugs from the same artist with some kind of fox artwork printed on them. How do I make it stop without copping to the fact that I never liked the first painting to begin with?

    — Outfoxed


    "Oh I prefer to keep that fox in the guest room and the fox that I have in the hen house is really more to what I prefer." 

    The mug can easily be "broken in washing" and the other items can be tucked away or "used up". 
  • LW's H may need to step in
    "Hey, we're dialing it back on "stuff" so why don't you do a gift card for X place for LW?"

    Divert.
  • I love foxes!  I didn't realize how closely they are related to dogs until a few years ago.

    There is a fascinating study that has been going on for 50+ years in Russia.  A main aspect of it is selectively breeding foxes to make them friendlier.  Not only have the "friendly lineage" of foxes become domesticated.  But their appearance has totally changed over the years also.  Their skulls have become rounder and their snouts have become shorter.  They now look a lot like...dogs.  Those same characteristics also differentiate dogs from wolves.  This has prompted research on why those physical changes go hand-in-hand with domestication.

    Now that have nerded you all out about foxes, back to the letter, lol.

    I have to admit, this sounds like a minor thing to me.  I think the LW or her H should lightheartedly say something to the MIL about being "foxed out".  She doesn't have to admit she doesn't care for the painting, just that she'd like the "fox" stuff cut down on.

    I had a former coworker years ago whose last name was "Pigg".  He had a large corner office just covered in pig knick knacks and other pig-related items.  I always wondered if he really liked the pig stuff or just tolerated it because I'm sure he's been given beau-coup pig gifts his whole life.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • VarunaTT said:
    This reminds me of when my godson was first adopted.  He loved Spiderman.  He was adopted by a very beloved popular couple, so C was probably drowning in gifts the first few years.  One day after about 2 years (he was about 7ish?) he just casually said, "You know, I do like things other than Spiderman".  I think we were at a party for him or something and the adults stopped in their tracks and just looked at him.  No one bought him Spiderman after that and he did get a far more wide variety of everything.

    Adults can do the same.  Just a casual, I do like these foxes; have you seen X, Y, Z?  I love those things too.  It can be easy to get stuck in a gift rut for people that you don't know really Really REALLY well and MIL might just be doing that.
    I agree.  She probably thinks "any fox" vs. "what kind of fox"?

    Heck even in our house with the Harry Potter, Star Wars and Roblox love you need to hit the right note. 
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