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(XP) DESPERATE NEED OF ADVICE MOH/BM DOESNT WANT FIANCE TO COME TO OUR NEW YEARS TRIP

roseswj2022roseswj2022 member
First Anniversary First Comment
edited December 2021 in Wedding Woes
New Years is coming up, and it will be the first and only New Years my fiancé and I will spend together as....well you know....fiancés (we will be married by next New Years). I was supposed to go see my MOH and bridesmaid, who are my college friends, in their city. My fiancé planned to go see his friends in the same city so that we could each hang with our friends but also go to a bar together to spend New Years together. However, my fiancé's plans fell through, and so I asked my MOH and bm, if he could join us. They replied by saying they were hoping for a girls trip only. Meanwhile, my 2 bestfriends from high school (who I almost made my MOHs) later invited me to a get together at one of their houses for New Years and invited both me and fiancé to this gathering, where my fiancé would meet some of my best high school friends. I just feel like my college friends do not understand or consider that this is mine and my fiancé's first and only New Years as an engaged couple. Or am I being inconsiderate of my college friends' wishes? Part of me wants to tell my college friends that I am just going to go with my high school friends since they invited my fiancé, but I do not want to open a can of worms, especially because one of the college friends is my MOH. I do not know what to do, and I am in desperate need of help.
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Re: (XP) DESPERATE NEED OF ADVICE MOH/BM DOESNT WANT FIANCE TO COME TO OUR NEW YEARS TRIP

  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @isabellashelton, When you create identical posts on multiple boards, it is helpful to write XP (cross posted) in the title so people do not respond twice.

    As I said in your other post, you made a commitment and ought to keep it. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I want you to think about how this is for your friends.  You made plans with them as just the ladies.  Your FI's plans fell through and now you're trying to change up what the plan is for them and are irritated that they're not embracing the concept of your FI as a tagalong AND that you're changing the plans.  

    It's a bummer when plans fall through but I've got to be honest: We're into TWO YEARS of plans falling through.  Sometimes that means that you don' get to make new plans and instead you regroup. 

    I also don't understand the significance that this is the only NYE that you're engaged.  Would you be hanging out with the friends during the day and then your FI would join all of you at the bar?  You have the rest of your lives together!
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You’re being inconsiderate and ridiculous and this is how people wind up losing friends. 
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    banana468 said:
    I want you to think about how this is for your friends.  You made plans with them as just the ladies.  Your FI's plans fell through and now you're trying to change up what the plan is for them and are irritated that they're not embracing the concept of your FI as a tagalong AND that you're changing the plans.  

    It's a bummer when plans fall through but I've got to be honest: We're into TWO YEARS of plans falling through.  Sometimes that means that you don' get to make new plans and instead you regroup. 

    I also don't understand the significance that this is the only NYE that you're engaged.  Would you be hanging out with the friends during the day and then your FI would join all of you at the bar?  You have the rest of your lives together!
    I’m confused by this too. 
    And I ditto the other PP’s.

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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Also, regardless of your status at any time, the concept of deciding to change plans with people you made because there are "better" plans offered to you is a slap in the face to those with whom you made the original plans.  It says, "I think you were a second class and something better than you came along" and it is absolutely no way to keep friends.  I'll totally echo @STARMOON44 that I've seen friendship end when it's quite clear a person is only going to be there if there's nothing better going on.   
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm just going to ditto everyone else. You made plans with your friends, your FI's plans fell through, and you expected to just be able to include him. And now you want to ditch these plans because something you consider better came along? That's really shitty. 
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