Dear Prudence,
My partner was recently asked to be best man at his brother’s wedding. He said yes, no questions asked. All we were told was that it was a destination wedding. His brother informed him that he was responsible for planning the destination bachelor party. After receiving the invitation and reviewing the itinerary, I am shocked. The venue is a 5-star, all-inclusive resort. The room is almost $2,000 for three nights. It’s kid-friendly (we have three kids), but we would not have access to the majority of the resort because it’s separated by family-friendly and adult-only. This limits restaurants and bars we can utilize even if we leave the kids with another family member for a few hours one afternoon. The expenses for a family of five are adding up quickly, and we are estimating we’ll spend between $6,000-8,000 total on this four day/three night wedding weekend.
On top of this, the mother of the bride is the designated travel agent, and it feels like they’re trying to make a profit off the guests (the cost to book through the resort is actually cheaper than the travel agent). Add in the expenses of the destination bachelor party, and time off from work, all while we are planning our own wedding later that same year with its own set of expenses and needing time off work.
I respect my fiancé’s desire to be the best man, but I’ve suggested that me and the kids stay home, and he was offended. I don’t want to plan to leave the kids at home because I don’t know what the state of the pandemic will be at the time. I tread delicately because I don’t want to feel like I’m controlling, but is it reasonable to ask my fiancé to skip the bachelor party and find other ways to reduce the cost? Is this expecting too much of the wedding party, or am I being selfish? I fully support them having the wedding of their dreams, but I feel like this should’ve come with a list of requirements and expectations before he committed to the role.
— Going Broke