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You can't change others, only your reaction to them.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I’ve grown up with very different values from my immediate family, and we had periods of a strained relationship, but it’s now at a point where things are—for the most part—much better. I recognize that my parents did the best they could in difficult circumstances, etc., etc., and we have made peace with each other. However, my family has a very keen “being annoying /teasing/insulting as affection” style of communication, which I struggle with, because I’m sensitive. I’d really like to discourage it, both against myself and any potential kids I have, without causing a big fight. When I’ve pointed it out in the past, it’s either been me making a big deal of things or me accusing people of being bad parents, and it’s honestly a serious conversation I’m too tired to have with no results.

— Too Sensitive for This

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Re: You can't change others, only your reaction to them.

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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    I understand how painful teasing is and I am not a 'prank' person whatsoever.  The few times I've been pranked in my life, I've gotten so angry I cussed people out and then cried tears of rage.  Not my proudest moments, but that's how I react to surprised embarrassment.  I was teased when I was younger by family because they knew they could get an easy rise out of me.  It literally contributes to my anxiety and that I react with anger when anxious to this day (yay therapy for teaching me to know thyself, LOL).

    However, there's not much I can do beside remove myself when my boundaries aren't respected after they're expressed.  So, LW, call it out and tell them you're not OK with that method of 'affection', but realize that it may not change anything.  I understand worrying about future children, but you need to address it now and make adjustments as necessary if you're not respected.  This will help you down the line with any potential children if you have your boundaries in place now as a non-parent. 
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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I agree with everything @mrsconn23. I’m the exact same way; I hate being teased, I hate pranks, I hate feeling like people are hanging up on me- I don’t find any of it funny. If that makes me over sensitive that’s fine but still not going to tolerate it. I remove myself from the situation and recognize their behavior is about them and not about me. 
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    VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I've come to recognize that I also hate teasing, but I've hidden my sensitivity for years.  I've had to fight so hard to name and recognize my own emotions, that I'm not very good at being polite about my boundaries.  

    I have had to tell my aunts to back off.  I tried to be as polite as I could and I finally had to say, "This is how it is.  I understand you might not understand, but you can accept it.  And if you don't, we aren't going to be communicating until you do."  Sometimes, drawing and protecting that boundary will mean that people push themselves out of your life.  That hurts, but so did the fact that they wouldn't see me and I know which one I'm going to be willing to deal with too.  So LW, draw the line, stay the battle, and protect yourself.
    �
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