Dear Prudence,
I moved in with a guy I had only been on 7 pretty intense dates with at the beginning of the pandemic. We were locked down together the entire time, with me in a new city where I knew very few people, and we were happy. Throughout the relationship, I feel like I’ve had to drag him along to move forward, such as moving in together officially. It’s clear that I’ve always been more invested in the relationship, which of course is painful. When we met, he wasn’t over his long-term ex, but I waited for him to deal with that which I think he did, eventually. But now, he seems very unsatisfied with the relationship, claiming that he never had the chance to choose me and just got sucked into the relationship.
I do feel that he loves me, but that he’s too much in his own head and too focused on having an ideal relationship to see what he has in front of him. I don’t think he appreciates me because he has an idealized version of someone else that he wants. Recently, he backed out on a commitment to join my family for Thanksgiving, but not before going back and forth on the issue several times until the last minute. I love him, and I know he’s still kind of getting over his previous relationship, but I’m wondering if I’m a fool to wait and see if he’ll ever fall in love with me. We’ve gone to couples therapy for a month, but he didn’t want to spend holidays with me because he thought we needed to try something different. At the moment, we’re on a break because I was so hurt by this decision. Should I be more patient or are we just doomed?
— How Long Should I Wait?