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You discuss it using age appropriate words and themes.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

The other biological parent of my child is a criminal, the kind who’s seriously harmed the most vulnerable in society (vulnerable women and children, the mentally ill, etc.). It won’t be long before my kid inevitably asks about their other parent, and I have no idea what I’ll say. How does one break to a child that their other parent is an absolute abomination? All the guidance on talking to kids about their other parent assumes that they’re a normal person and tells you to be nice about them. I don’t want to traumatize my kid, but I also don’t want to lie or be too nice about their other parent and risk them idolizing and potentially one day getting in contact with a person who would definitely abuse them.

— Stay Away

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Re: You discuss it using age appropriate words and themes.

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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You don’t have to figure this out alone! Family & individual therapy can help you find the age appropriate words for when this comes up. Being proactive on developing these tools is good parenting! 
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    VarunaTT said:
    This is definitely a time for a family therapist/child development expert.  There's no reason LW should be trying to take on the pressure of how to do this without expert advice and guidance.
    All of this.  LW needs to seek a trained therapist who is ready to help the child AND who can help the other parent use appropriate phrasing.

    It also sounds like the LW needs to be armed with the right way to tell the child that if the child sees the parent child needs to alert authorities. 
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited January 2022
    Totally agree on the therapy front.  Sounds like LW is super traumatized by their kid's other parent (rightfully so) and they need to sort that out so the can be the best parent to their child.  Hopefully, a therapist will help LW see that kids worlds are very, very small when they're young and it's not until they're preteens and into the teen years that they can really start to conceptualize how bad really bad things are and the cruelness of the world/human condition.  The kid isn't going to ask the super hard questions or want more complicated answers until they're a lot older.  The whole, "How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time" idea.

    I hope LW has figured out how to legally protect themselves and their child.  Because that's more of a threat than the questions.  
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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    All of the above advice and I hope that LW has had some therapy for themselves as well because they sound like they feel incredibly guilty that they even have to do this at all. There might be some trauma there as well that they can benefit talking through in therapy. 


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    MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    LW should seek therapy to deal but also the therapist can give age appropriate answers before seeking potential therapy for child.

    I think about situations like this how some people - myself included - will have to answer questions maybe they aren't sure or ready to answer.
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