Thinking of uninviting guests...

knottie74e109012f271f6c · January 2022

Hi all! I'm in bit of a predicament about what to do... I have these two coworkers that I occasionally hang out with outside of work, along with their SOs. I ended up mailing one of the couples a save the date, but not the other one because frankly I was worried about how drunk that coworker would get and cause a scene at our wedding. But I did ask for her address with the intention of inviting her several months ago. Fast forward a couple of months, and things have gotten a little weird between me and the coworker to whom I sent the save the date. She seems more distant, putting on a front and frankly fake. Not sure why I didn't notice this before, but now I'm stuck. I'm beginning to have doubts about even sending an actual invite out...to either couple. Long story short-- what is the best way to go about this? I sent the save the date, but have no intention of mailing an invitation. Should I just not say anything or approach the person explain myself or tell them a little white lie? Also not sure if they've been in communication with each other about one getting a save the date and the other not having received one. HELP!

MyNameIsNot · January 2022

knottie74e109012f271f6c said:

Hi all! I'm in bit of a predicament about what to do... I have these two coworkers that I occasionally hang out with outside of work, along with their SOs. I ended up mailing one of the couples a save the date, but not the other one because frankly I was worried about how drunk that coworker would get and cause a scene at our wedding. But I did ask for her address with the intention of inviting her several months ago. Fast forward a couple of months, and things have gotten a little weird between me and the coworker to whom I sent the save the date. She seems more distant, putting on a front and frankly fake. Not sure why I didn't notice this before, but now I'm stuck. I'm beginning to have doubts about even sending an actual invite out...to either couple. Long story short-- what is the best way to go about this? I sent the save the date, but have no intention of mailing an invitation. Should I just not say anything or approach the person explain myself or tell them a little white lie? Also not sure if they've been in communication with each other about one getting a save the date and the other not having received one. HELP!

Do you still work together? Do you need to interact as part of your job?

Any way you go about it, it's rude to "uninvite" someone after sending a STD. It sounds like your personal relationships are waning anyway, so no problem to let it end the friendship. But working together adds a level of complication that you wouldn't have with another dying friendship. If you think a personal falling out could bleed into your professional life, I'd suck it up and invite them and then slowly back away from the friendship afterwards.

climbingsingle · January 2022

First and foremost, it's extremely rude to send someone a STD and then not invite them. For lurkers - this is why it's suggested to only send these to your VIPs.

If you still work with these people, I'd be worried at what blowback you'll face. Again, aside from it being very rude, you should expect it will change your relationships with both of them. Do you work closely together?

If I were in your situation, I'd just invite them both.

downtondiva · January 2022

I know it isn't what you want to hear, but if you have sent a save-the-date to one and essentially told the other that you are inviting them, you should still invite them, especially if you're still working together. It's almost never a good idea to rescind a wedding invitation, and here it could be particularly awkward. And keep in mind, just because they attend your wedding doesn't mean you have to stay friendly and keep hanging out with them afterward - it's okay to distance yourself if you no longer feel comfortable being more than coworkers.

Also, I think it's important to remember (for anyone planning a wedding, not just you) that unless you are having a very small event with only people you are very close to, chances are that there will be people at your wedding that you don't feel close to or maybe don't even like. And chances are that you will not really notice or interact with them very much that day. Invite these coworkers to your wedding, thank them for coming if they attend, and don't feel obligated to spend much more time with them than that.

banana468 · January 2022

I'm going to echo the others. If you still work with these people and either interact with them for your job or they have any influence on your employment I would not rescind the invitations. The fallout could be not just personal but professional and you do not want a wedding invitation to be the reason that your employment status suffers.

knottie74e109012f271f6c · January 2022

Thanks all for the input! I am actually hoping to leave that particular job prior to my wedding, if all goes to plan.

banana468 · January 2022

knottie74e109012f271f6c said:

Thanks all for the input! I am actually hoping to leave that particular job prior to my wedding, if all goes to plan.

If you work in the same industry my answer holds.

I work in a field that is big but works small. I live in CT and have coworkers in the Midwest who talk about people they knew from my prior employer or competitors.

Point being - unless you're changing industries/careers just consider that most people hardly even see most guests AND that if your relationship is that distant they may not come.

climbingsingle · January 2022

banana468 said:

knottie74e109012f271f6c said:

Thanks all for the input! I am actually hoping to leave that particular job prior to my wedding, if all goes to plan.

If you work in the same industry my answer holds.

I work in a field that is big but works small. I live in CT and have coworkers in the Midwest who talk about people they knew from my prior employer or competitors.

Point being - unless you're changing industries/careers just consider that most people hardly even see most guests AND that if your relationship is that distant they may not come.

Ditto this. If you're staying within your industry, it could be an issue. I personally would never burn bridges like that. Even if you're leaving that industry/line of work, what's to say you'll never encounter them again?

And what if it doesn't work out by the time your wedding rolls around and you're still there?

ei34 · January 2022

I'd just invite them both if space and budget permits, you really don't spend much time with the majority of your guests at your reception.

ILoveBeachMusic · January 2022

I agree with all of the above. You sent a STD and gave a verbal invite. You need to follow through with the actual invite. You won't spend much time with them at the wedding other than to thank them for attending. If you want, let the relationships dwindle afterwards.

maine7mob · January 2022

I agree with the others. If these people aren't really friends anymore, they may decline anyway, and you will have done the right thing.

Thinking of uninviting guests...

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