Classic: You can be critical or you can have business, but you may not be able to have both.

mrsconn23 · February 2022

I design wedding invitations. At least 60 percent of my customers include an etiquette blunder of some sort in the text of their invitations. Sometimes they ask for cash, or specify “adults only.” Worst of all, one customer asked guests to pay for their meals and included information on how to send their payment in advance if they didn’t want to pay the night of. I’ve never said anything about these items even though I have cringed while formatting them, but should I do so? Would I be out of place in letting a customer know that they’re committing a major faux pas?

banana468 · February 2022

Give both details.

"Attached you will find a proof for approval needed before printing. On the second attachment, is a reference to a section in the etiquette book citing the best way to approach X, Y and Z as the proof is noting what you directed however it is considered a deviation from that social rule. Please respond and advise if this proof is approved as submitted or if you would like to make any changes."

mrsconn23 · February 2022

LW, if you have a website or something, you could passively share 'etiquette' tips for wedding invites. You can also provide this information in your 'introductory' package when starting to work with clients. You can also do @banana468's option of showing two different 'styles'. But once a client finalizes what they want, do what they're paying you to do.

MyNameIsNot · February 2022

Format the wedding invitations like they want, but also start a blog.

If someone has gotten so far that they have hired someone to print invitations with a bill for the meal, you are not going to be the first person to tip them off.

charlotte989875 · February 2022

Set up an etiquette section on your website and tell clients it’s available when putting together their invitations. Then hold your nose, think of England, and print what they want.

short+sassy · February 2022

While I realize the LW is looking out for their client's best interest, unfortunately, most of their clients won't see it that way. Most of the time, people do not want constructive criticism, especially if they haven't asked for it, and it will just make them mad and offend them. Most of them will probably make excuses was to why their circumstances are "so special and different", that the advice doesn't apply to them.

However, it would be a great idea for LW to have a handout or info on their website about the proper etiquette for invitations. That's something I think people would find helpful and answer any questions they might have anyway. And, while certainly not everyone will read that info or will choose to ignore it, at least the LW can take comfort that they did their part to have the info available to help their clients.

mrsconn23 · February 2022

short+sassy said:

While I realize the LW is looking out for their client's best interest, unfortunately, most of their clients won't see it that way. Most of the time, people do not want constructive criticism, especially if they haven't asked for it, and it will just make them mad and offend them. Most of them will probably make excuses was to why their circumstances are "so special and different", that the advice doesn't apply to them.

Yep, it has to be passively presented or in response to a question that was asked directly. Also, norms and trends change. While it's technically 'good' etiquette to not put registry info on invites, more and more, formal invites aren't really happening in the same way.

We just got an invitation for DH's cousin's wedding and it directed us to the Zola website to RSVP and I know for a fact, we're going to get served registry information.

Also, people want information up front. They don't want to have to call or text the couple, WP, parents of the couple, etc to find out if they're registered at BBB, Target, Amazon, etc. It's just one more thing to do.

Furthermore, 'etiquette' is just a means to control and I would bet money, research would tell me it has been used to be racist and/or other people and keep certain people out. It's definitely classist at the least.

banana468 · February 2022

Some of the issues I can definitely see as a classist situation. In others I can see my approach working.

But we definitely are in a society of people who increasingly do not think they are doing anything wrong and do not respond well to constructive criticism. So anyone in any business where they could be working to do something considered inappropriate (Like a cake baker asked to write, "Screw you Larry" on a cake or a florist who may need to write the Crank Yankers message from the early 2000s) can have some kind of caveat on their website.

mrsconn23 · February 2022

OMG yes @banana468, entitlement is rampant. 20+ years in customer service, and especially the last 2 years, people just suck.

Everyone is special should be treated as such...yeah, choke on this special bag of dicks. Also, the 'customer is always right' attitude that was pervasive in the 90's/early aughts helped nothing.

There's shitty customer service, but there's also really shitty customers.

banana468 · February 2022

mrsconn23 said:

OMG yes @banana468, entitlement is rampant. 20+ years in customer service, and especially the last 2 years, people just suck.

Everyone is special should be treated as such...yeah, choke on this special bag of dicks. Also, the 'customer is always right' attitude that was pervasive in the 90's/early aughts helped nothing.

There's shitty customer service, but there's also really shitty customers.

Exactly. In addition to that, there are MANY customers who pull the, "Why would I read that?!" to any section. So that's why my advice was to add the line to the email itself rather than the additional blog. No one is going to read the blog unless you're an invitation creator or REALLY into weddings. The rest are going to say, "I need you to make it like this". It's hard enough to work in printing where we have to tell people that they can't design text to go up against the die or that some colors are just not going to print the way they want.

My favorite after planning the Disney vacation was hearing people say, "Do NOT say to any Disney castmember that you just paid a lot of money for your vacation. So did everyone else in the park that isn't working. You're not that special!"

short+sassy · February 2022

Speaking of etiquette sometimes being classist, I still remember a hilarious Miss Manners comment I read years ago.

In the 1800s, that was very much the case. Someone had written her a letter asking the purpose of a very specific type of silverware. Miss Manners talked about that the original purpose of silverware sets that included a slew of different forks and spoons, was a brag of how well-to-do a family was to afford them. And also to side-eye and feel superior, to people who didn't know what to do with each utensil.

And then she added something like, "But most of that silver was melted down to pay for WWI, so we don't need to worry about that anymore."

Classic: You can be critical or you can have business, but you may not be able to have both.

Re: Classic: You can be critical or you can have business, but you may not be able to have both.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards