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Mental health issues =/= being abusive to your partner

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My girlfriend and I have a relationship that is sometimes wonderful. She’s beautiful, smart, talented, and funny. She’s 32, I’m 29, and this is my first same-sex relationship. We live together, and it seems promising, except that she has a mental condition that can severely limit her. When she’s traumatized, she turns her anger to me, says terrible things about me, and threatens to harm my reputation. I can make allowances for her condition, but I don’t think I should have to just accept this kind of abuse. She asks me to help her leave, and I agree, because she needs the help. But then she says she wants to stay, and she becomes wonderful again. I can’t stay in this relationship, though I want to, and I can’t leave it, though I also want that. I want what’s best for her. Help!

— In a Conundrum

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Re: Mental health issues =/= being abusive to your partner

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is like the other letter.  Being in a relationship does not mean that you need to subject yourself to emotional abuse.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oh no, LW. Get out. 


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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Dear LW, love and the 'good times' is not enough.  GTFO
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Abuse is abuse. 

    You are not responsible for someone else’s wellness and you do not need to put yourself at risk to help someone else. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    These are classic signs of an abuser.  Get out, LW.

    The making you feel bad about yourself.  "Get out. I hate you.  Wait, no.  I love you.  Please don't go."  Love-bomb, love-bomb, love-bomb.  Then the abuser feels secure they have reeled you back in and you're under their thumb.  Anger/verbal abuse again.  And the cycle starts over.

    And the LW is still worried about what is best for the g/f.  They need to do what is best for themselves.  Leaving may not feel like the right answer for themselves yet but, once they do, I think she'll look back and realize that was the necessary choice.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Take care of yourself, LW.  The only person that can help your GF is your GF and until she's willing to, there's not much to be done.  This will continue to escalate.  Your help?  Kick her ass out, that's the only way to break the trauma bond.
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