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Wedding Woes

You're putting a lot of pressure on this meeting.

Dear Prudence,

Since the lockdown started, I have become increasingly involved in several online communities, and for the first time in my life I feel like I’ve made friendships as close and important over the internet as the ones I’ve made with my IRL friends. It’s been wonderful! In about two months, I’m going to be meeting up with one of the people I’m closest with in person for the first time, and I’m incredibly excited about it.

Here’s the problem: I’ve also caught feelings for her, and I’ve caught them bad. Prudie, I feel like a walking cliché: She’s on my mind all the time, I am giddy and grin uncontrollably whenever I think of her, and I’m always looking for excuses to strike up another conversation with her. She is funny, kind, supportive, and just an all-around amazing person. We chat almost daily and have long phone calls into the night together, though I’ve never seen her face. Given all this, I have some hope that my feelings might be returned, though I can’t know for sure. I’ve been feeling this way for a while now, and I know I need to talk to her about it at some point (even if she doesn’t return my feelings or isn’t interested in a long-distance relationship, I still need closure!) But the question is: When? Now, so that if she doesn’t return my feelings we have time to clear up the awkwardness before we meet up? During the meet up, so that I can tell her face-to-face? Afterwards, so that I can be sure that our chemistry holds up IRL as well as online? Please help, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this crush under wraps!

— Lovelorn on the Internet

Re: You're putting a lot of pressure on this meeting.

  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2022
    Now. Do not meet up with someone who thinks you are platonic friends and spring romantic feelings on them. 
    I agree 100%. If LW tells her now how they feel, she'll have the opportunity to decide how she feels about them and the situation without being put on the spot or potentially feeling unsafe. It will also give her time, if she doesn't feel the same way LW does, to decide if she is comfortable still meeting up with someone who wants something different than she does from this relationship.
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  • LW, I do not think that you have as strong a friendship as you actually do.  I think if you have not even met this person then you have created a fantasy about a portion of this relationship and what you have is New Person Energy that is making you excited.  
  • Tell her now and give her time to decide if she still wants to meet in person. 
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