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Classic: Back out or change your expectations of the trip.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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in Wedding Woes
I’m about to go on a trip with a friend who I’m realizing over the course of planning is highly incompatible with me. We don’t share the same packing philosophy, activities of interest, alcohol tolerance, walking speed, culinary interests. What to do?
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Re: Classic: Back out or change your expectations of the trip.

  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    For me, I think that would be how hard or easy it is to back out of it.  And the effect on the friendship.

    Me personally, I'm getting a vibe that it's the LW who is high maintenance and uncompromising.  Don't have the same "packing philosophy"?  Really?  Then worry about only your own bags, LW.  Problem solved.

    I realize the other examples can be larger issues.  But if they are bothered by something as minor as (I assume) light vs. heavy packer, that's telling.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    Going on a trip with other people is all about compromise.  I've had friend trips go great and I've had them crash and burn.  I have learned, through trial and error, that managing my own expectations for an experience always leads to a better time for me.  At least I don't get disappointed or frustrated that things didn't happen as I had built them up in my head. 

    So LW, you really need to talk to this friend and come to some sort of understanding what you're both wanting to get out of this trip.  However, you have to be willing to bend.  If you can't do that, don't take this vacation.  

    And seriously, only worry about what's going in your suitcase.  
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    LW, you need to figure out what the trip is and if you can do things on your own and meet up later. 

    But based on what you are saying, What DID prompt you to plan this trip?? 
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  • levioosalevioosa member
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    😂 the walking speed killed me. 


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  • banana468banana468 member
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    levioosa said:
    😂 the walking speed killed me. 
    It makes me wonder if the LW knew this person before planning!

    There are people that I know that I think we can travel well with and then there are those that I'd greet in the morning with a fake stomach cramp and while bending over I'd lick my palms to get out of doing anything.    But even with those people there are some kinds of common interests. 


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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    levioosa said:
    😂 the walking speed killed me. 
    I didn't even notice that, lol.  Yep.

    That.  And the "packing philosophy" and the "alcohol tolerance".

    LW, if you're a big drinker, keep it more mellow.  Don't be a sloppy drunk and expect your friend to take care of you.  If you're a teetotaler, agree ahead of time that no one will drink to excess.  But don't travel with your friend if you are going to be judgy about their drinking, beyond that.

    Food and activities, I can understand better.  But it still seems like there is plenty of room for compromise.  
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    short+sassy said:
    levioosa said:
    😂 the walking speed killed me. 
    I didn't even notice that, lol.  Yep.

    That.  And the "packing philosophy" and the "alcohol tolerance".

    LW, if you're a big drinker, keep it more mellow.  Don't be a sloppy drunk and expect your friend to take care of you.  If you're a teetotaler, agree ahead of time that no one will drink to excess.  But don't travel with your friend if you are going to be judgy about their drinking, beyond that.

    Food and activities, I can understand better.  But it still seems like there is plenty of room for compromise.  
    I think I want to know what it is that makes them off.  Is the LW a foodie and the friend is a picky eater who only wants chain restaurants?  

    There's something that strikes me as really inflexible about the LW or they just realized how incompatible they are with this person.


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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
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    If they are backpacking, the packing philosophy might come into play.  When hubby and I travelled across Europe, he wanted to take everything but the kitchen sink.  I made him leave so much stuff behind, because we had a big backpack and a medium backpack and were going to be taking turns with the big one.  And even a small amount of weight in a backpack you are lugging around for hours at a time can make a big difference.
    But if they aren't backpacking .... who cares if someone brings more or less?  Unless the person who brought less is always borrowing your stuff .... but you can just put your foot down.

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    I'm so curious as to what kind of trip this is that packing and walking speed are of vital importance. 

    I will say that exH and I went on a hiking trip back in 2017 (2018? I don't know) through Italy. He was very much the type of person that wanted to hike the fastest, as if that were the goal. I remember before the trip politely requesting that he not treat this as some sort of race, and that hiking in Italy was to SEE things, not speed by them. Ugh, why did I marry that guy? Anyway, that's the only time I can see where walking speed would come into play..haha. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    climbingsingle said:
    I'm so curious as to what kind of trip this is that packing and walking speed are of vital importance. 

    I will say that exH and I went on a hiking trip back in 2017 (2018? I don't know) through Italy. He was very much the type of person that wanted to hike the fastest, as if that were the goal. I remember before the trip politely requesting that he not treat this as some sort of race, and that hiking in Italy was to SEE things, not speed by them. Ugh, why did I marry that guy? Anyway, that's the only time I can see where walking speed would come into play..haha. 
    I'm wondering if it's something where the other person is not disabled to the point that they need a handicapped placard on a car or mobility aid for most days but on vacation they do? 

    Before we went to Disney my MIL and FIL were toying with the idea of a drive down the east coast and a day in MK.  My MIL hasn't been for 30 years and since that time she has had back surgery, two knee replacements and she is overweight.  We also went along with friends of ours (sort of parallel vacations where we met up but did not rely on them for plans) and the friend's MIL was there.  The MIL was tired all the time, her feet hurt and by the end of day one our friend was looking up how to get her a scooter.  DH and I came home and told his mom that we highly recommended that if she go, she get a scooter to aid her through the parks.  

    We came back and my thought was that if MIL ever proposed the idea of a family vacation in addition to separate hotel rooms/suites with our own entry a scooter for her would be a must or she wouldn't make it - but I don't think it's something she would have realized for herself until it was too late. 

    In the situation of the friend's MIL, she wound up pool side A LOT. 
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