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Virtual wedding sadness

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I just got an invitation for a friend’s virtual wedding, which states that only the family and the wedding party will attend in person. I’m irrationally upset about this. First, five of my dear friends (which is most of them!) have gotten married in the past two years and didn’t do anything in person; I LOVE weddings, and I love them all, and it’s been heartbreaking to miss these major events.

Second, I’m hurt that I’m not in the wedding party, and wasn’t even given a heads up about it—truly surprising given how close I thought we were. Third, I cannot muster any enthusiasm to sit on my computer after a 40-hour work week already spent online, when the wedding itself is happening 20 minutes away! Part of me thinks I should suck it up and attend online, but I know that my crappy energy isn’t what’s called for on such a special occasion. I want to RSVP “no,” but should I tell the truth (which would include expressing sadness about being left out and maybe a total re-evaluation and possible ending of our friendship) or tell a lie so I don’t hurt their feelings? I’m spiraling and need some rational, outside input. Thank you!

— Never a Bridesmaid

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Re: Virtual wedding sadness

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Suck it up and attend online. 

    You can feel hurt that you’re not included but it’s still a pandemic and you don’t know everyone’s medical history or reasons for keeping it small and you’re not entitled to. 

    You’re willing to potentially throw away a friendship or at the very least not attend a good friends wedding because they’re limiting the potential spread of a virus, and you’re not in the wedding party? Take a step back, take a breath, and see that while your feelings are hurt acting on them now will likely having lasting impacts that you may regret. 
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Are you kidding? I’d love that invite! And guess what, bride & groom… i’ll log online but don’t expect me to wear pants!

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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I feel for this LW in a sense.  A lot of people feel at loose ends with friends that they were once close to after the last 2 years. 

    But, they are going about preserving/maintaining these friendships all wrong  Attending this wedding is a perfect step in the right direction. Maybe see if you can get together with the bride after the wedding to get dinner and give her a gift to celebrate her marriage (if so inclined).  
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Being there virtually won't be the same, but it's better than missing the wedding entirely. I understand why you are disappointed and even hurt, but there are probably very good reasons why they are doing things this way, Don't risk throwing away a friendship over this. Log on, smile, and be happy for your friend.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oh let it go. 

    Some people have a lot of friends and some don't.  You need to let go about who does and doesn't get asked to be a bridesmaid and instead just decide if you want to see this or not.  

    I'm SO GLAD I'm out of the wedding years of our social circle.  I still love going but there's a difference between going now for family vs. the popularity contest that happens amongst friend groups. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    OMG, just decline if you don't want to go. If it comes up, just say that you had a schedule conflict.

    And maybe get over yourself before you see these people again. 
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  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I thought LW was going to say the five close friends were all invited and she wasn't. It sounds like the couple drew a pretty fair line at family and wedding party in person only.  LW is entitled to her feelings regarding the sadness surrounding events not being "normal" these last two years as part of an overall "the pandemic sucks on many levels", but I can;t get on board with the hurt feelings over not being asked to be a bridesmaid.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    LW is kind of all over the place.

    It's the bride and grooms decision to make about how their wedding goes.  Guests don't have to agree and they get to make their own decisions too.  So, if you don't want to go, don't.  But not going b/c you're disappointed that it's not in person seems rather silly.

    So, I think the real issue is not being part of the wedding party.  LW doesn't call this person a "dear" friend like she does the other 5, so this feels a bit like either bride/groom doesn't feel as close as LW does or they had a limited party and went with specific people (which seems logical given their decision for a virtual wedding).  There could even be some other reason.  I don't think LW should pursue it, b/c it s guaranteed to end badly, but if LW wants to, go ahead..just know it's going to end badly.
    �
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I hated the feeling that weddings were like a contest.   Years ago a good friend got married and I was not a BM but in the friend group of the BMs.  I attended as a guest.  At my table was another friend (not a BM) who forced her now H to propose before the wedding because she couldn't show up single. 

    It's like HS and popular tables but in cocktail attire. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We're getting a glimpse into a potential reason as to why the bride didn't ask the LW to be one of her BMs.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Get over yourself and go. Have all the feelings you want, but that’s the only decent option 
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