Stop going to their homes? Get new friends?

Re: Stop going to their homes? Get new friends?

• CharmedPam member

  

  March 2022

  My friends dog is like this.  And she laughs.  Thinks it’s funny that he’s so unruly. No, I don’t like your smelly dog (both fur and breath) with long nails digging into me.  It’s just not my cup of tea.
  
  i go over once a year now? But now I’m just requesting dinners out if we gettogether. 

  
  

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• downtondiva member

  

  March 2022 edited March 2022

  If you want to continue these friendships, you will have to explain to these friends, in a matter-of-fact, non-critical way, how their dogs' behavior is affecting you.  Remind them of your medical condition - one of the unfortunate things about chronic illness is that you do sometimes have to remind people of your limits if they aren't immediately obvious. It's frustrating, but essential to keeping yourself healthy and safe. I understand why it all bothers you - even as someone who absolutely loves dogs, it makes me uncomfortable when someone's dog is completely out of control.
  
  Ask them to start coming more often to your home or meeting at a restaurant or other location (someplace where dogs aren't allowed) or if they'd be okay with keeping their dogs in another room or outside while you visit. See how they respond and take it from there.

  
  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2022

  This is my dog. He’s a rescue, he’s harmless but gets over excited. And yea we’ve tried to train him better, but he’s old now and it doesn’t take. 

  
  

  So we put him outside, or upstairs, when we know people are coming over that don’t get on well with dogs. 

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• banana468 member

  

  March 2022

  Maybe they do train the animals but they're animals?   My kids aren't supposed to eat on the couch or in their rooms and need to bring their plates to the counter.  Chiquito isn't supposed to watch his tablet while getting ready for bed.  These are all broken in my house.  
  
  Isn't the adage, "Never work with kids or animals"? 
  
  LW needs to talk to the friends before a visit. "Hey I hate to do this because I know how much you love Rory and he's such a good boy but my joints have been such an issue lately and I know the animals get excited but when they have been excited and jumped it can leave lasting effects on me for days at at time or more.  Would you be up to leaving him in a different room while I visit?  Alternatively why don't you come over and I'll make those muffins you like." 

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• mrsconn23 member

  

  March 2022

  FIL's younger dog is like this.  I literally turn my hip and check her lightly with my butt when I go over there.  I wait for her to chill, and then I give her pats.  
  
  But LW needs to draw the boundary since it's affecting their health to be in this situation.  Offer to meet friends out or have them at your house since they clearly feel their dogs shouldn't be checked in their home (which is their prerogative). If they drop off then...I guess y'all weren't as good of friends?  IDK.  It's a tough situation, but you can't force someone to change if they don't want to/choose to not. 

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• climbingsingle member

  

  March 2022

  My dog was like this when she was young. No amount of training or behavior modification would work. So whenever I would have friends over, she'd be crated and I'd only let her out once I knew she was calm and wouldn't jump on anyone. She's very much grown out of it now that she's older. 
  
  But LW needs to use her words. Remind your friends how serious it is for you, and ask that the dog be put away when you're over. 

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• short+sassy member

  

  March 2022

  The LW could solve all/most of this with more communication.  Talk to the friends, ahead of time, that the dog jumping is dangerous for her.  Ask if it's okay if the dog is put outside/in kennel/in another room, at least until it calms down.  If not, then don't go to that friend's house anymore.  If so, then just remind the friends immediately prior to each visit.
  
  Would it be nice if the friends just remembered that?  Sure.  But that's not necessarily human nature and there is nothing wrong with a reminder each time, to make sure the LW is safe.
  
  TBH, our dog jumps on us and we like it because it is so cute.  But she is also only 20 lbs.  We have also trained her that if we say "down" and point down, she will keep her feet on the ground.  We are also vigilant if there is someone new, to warn them that she might jump before we "let her loose" and let us know if that would bother them.

  

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• kerbohl member

  

  March 2022

  LW seems a little judgey, and I feel attacked.  I think people who don't have dogs have this idea that it is just so easy to train dogs to behave perfectly 100% of  the time and we just choose not to do it because we're jerks.  I have neighbours that yell at me because my dog does her business on their boulevard, like I can control where she goes.  All I can do is clean it up.  If I could control it, you'd better believe the darn thing wouldn't be going THREE TIMES ON ONE WALK!!  Drives me nuts.  I have tried everything to stop her getting so excited when people come over, but it just isn't her, so she gets put behind the gate until she calms down.  LW needs to realize that when dogs love you they want to be near you, and if you can't be near the dog you have to communicate that to your friends.  You think they'll be hurt about it?  I know my dog's annoying, I'm not going to be upset if you confirm what I already know and ask me to get rid of the dog for a visit.  
  
  I think this letter is just getting my back up because I'm annoyed at my dog today.  She's got an auto-immune disease and can't see other dogs, but after two years of me not letting her see other dogs, she still doesn't get it.  It's frustrating because I know the second she can, she is going to run up to other dogs and she might get sick, and it is a 24/7 job just to keep her alive.  I'm going to have to break out the muzzle again and put it on her when we see other dogs just to punish her when she tries to say hi.  She hates the muzzle and I hate putting the muzzle on her, but she's been so bad lately.  The other day she tried to trip me when we were passing another dog so that I would lose my balance and she could then get closer to the other dog!  

  
  

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