Dear Prudence,
I’m a 29-year-old woman who has been married to her male partner for two years. We’ve recently been talking about taking the plunge and starting to have kids, but there’s been a wrinkle: my career.
I’ve dedicated myself to a still largely male-dominated career for most of my adult life. I’ve gone through undergrad and a grad school known for being so difficult most drop out, with a prestigious fellowship in between. I’ve been incredibly lucky to have the opportunity to do an apprenticeship under a leader and luminary in my career, and have accepted an extension for another year. This apprenticeship usually provides a foundation for better employment and better pay on completion, and the mentorship and experience you get from working directly with your supervisor is unbeatable. The position is extremely competitive to get, and a mark of excellence for those who have it. I couldn’t be more excited and honored to be doing this (and glad to have one more year to look for a permanent employer for after this apprenticeship).
Unfortunately, this apprenticeship is not covered by the federal leave act or similar state laws. It would be up to my supervisor whether I could take leave if I got pregnant, and while still technically illegal, there’s not a lot I could do if I were fired for it. Moreover, because the apprenticeship is only a year, I’m terrified that all of the work to establish myself as an expert and hard worker in my field will be for naught when no employer wants to hire me only for me to take leave shortly after. Or, that they would hire me, but taking leave would ruin my opportunity to get work from more senior employees or to get clients of my own. I also don’t want to let down the supervisor who took me under their wing for this apprenticeship by leaving them with additional work if I had my baby ahead of schedule.
Due to some medical issues, this pregnancy has to be very planned, though I do daydream about having an “accident” to explain why I could be pregnant at such a critical time in my career. I know that we could wait, and hold off, but after grad school I was already so burned out and exhausted, and close to giving up on this field all together. I’ve regained my passion for my career, but I don’t want to give up more of my life for it, either. And Prudie, I want a child so badly. Am I out of luck? Will I just need to wait? Or is it better to take the risk and handle the challenges to my career as they come?
— Planning Ahead