Dear Prudence,
I’m in a difficult situation. I lost my job as a result of my boyfriend showing up at my workplace and behaving crazily, then I lost my home when I finally broke up with him after realizing I’ve been dealing with years of emotional and financial abuse from him. My friends “Charlotte” and “Jane,” a married couple, have been lifesavers and invited me to stay in their spare room while I get back on my feet. I want to be clear that I am incredibly grateful to them. However, I am starting to lose my mind living with them, and need advice on how to cope until I’ve got new work and can get out of here.
Out and about, they never display physical affection and don’t act “couple-ish” in general. In their house, however … oh my god, it is nauseating. I’d never stayed with them long enough for them to start acting the way they must do normally when on their own before this, so I had no idea that they kiss and cuddle ALL THE TIME, call each other cutesy nicknames (“doll”, “sweetness” etc.), and have about a dozen stupid rituals. For example, Charlotte always cooks a huge breakfast for Jane on Saturday, and Jane prepares some over-the-top romantic meal for them on Sunday, complete with candles. They buy each other flowers so often that the place is like a greenhouse. They complement each other multiple times a day (think “You look gorgeous!” and “You look so hot in that!”). I have walked in on them literally waltzing around the kitchen on more than one occasion, although at least they stop that when I come in.
I’m not a big PDA person anyway, but I am especially not feeling romantic vibes at this time in my life. I went the last three years taking “compliments” from my ex-boyfriend such as “you look less fat in that” and had flowers bought for me exactly once, when he was apologizing for cheating. Watching Charlotte and Jane gushing about one another and waltzing around is both upsetting and aggravating. I once made a comment to the effect of, “Could this level of romance be moved to the bedroom, maybe?” and Jane responded by saying I was free to go to my room if it bothered me. When I mentioned to Charlotte (who I’m closer to than Jane) that it’s hard for me being around intense couple stuff at the moment, she was more understanding and dialed things back for a few days. Then Valentine’s Day came and, well, you can imagine. Everything reset and the place was full of roses for a week.
The last time I snapped and made what I’ll admit was an unproductive comment about feeling like I was living in a romcom, Jane basically called me homophobic for telling a gay couple to dial back their affection for my comfort. I defended myself that I would feel exactly the same if I was around a straight couple like this, but I ended up apologizing when Charlotte started crying—she has dealt with a lot of homophobia from family and was once assaulted for kissing a girlfriend in public, so I appreciate this is a sensitive topic for her. Nonetheless, I hate living like this. We’ve made up now and they’re back to their usual loved-up selves. I know I just need to move out ASAP, but can you advise on 1) how to deal with this without starting another fight until then, and 2) whether there is anything else I can possibly say to them about this?
— Not Feeling the Love