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Classic: Not sure there's much you can do if she's not under care.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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in Wedding Woes
My grandma is in her early 80s and lives alone in a huge, dilapidated house that she grew up in.
The home is not safe. It has very steep stairs, rickety railings—she has fallen and broken bones a few times in the past few years—there is mold, and she cannot keep it clean. Yet she refuses to move elsewhere…
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Re: Classic: Not sure there's much you can do if she's not under care.

  • banana468banana468 member
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    Once again, find an elder care attorney.  Talk about the situation.  I hate to say it but look into the options that exist like a reverse mortgage but also the steps that are needed to provide your grandmother with the care needed.

    I am not someone who thinks the answer to aging is just "put the person in a nursing home" but if the grandmother is not capable of caring for herself or her dwelling then her kids need to figure out what needs to be done.  The concept of needing the smelling salts because a person absolutely cannot live in a group home doesn't pass with me when the alternative is that the person cannot care for herself.

    IMO, it's time to either move grandma into someone's home or figure out her financial situation so she moves somewhere else.   This should not be up to the grandchild but up to the LW's parents and their siblings. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    What does your parent and their siblings think? Ideally it should fall on them to take charge if they're willing/able. Has anyone talked to grandma about options? Is anyone willing to force a legal conservatorship and force her out of her house if it comes to that? Is anyone opening their home, or is a facility the only option? It doesn't sound like it, but is there an option to made some modifications to the home and let her stay there potentially with in-home care? 

    You can't just tell granny that she's too old to keep living like she has for her entire life and expect her to just change. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    This is almost exactly my elderly neighbor (sigh).  Except she thankfully hasn't broken any bones in one of her many falls.  Yet.

    It's hard to see someone you care about put themselves in danger.  But, assuming the grandmother is mentally competent, that's her decision to make and the LW needs to accept that.  The grandmother might prefer to die younger in her own house than have it extended by living in an assisted care facility.

    I'm also curious about the rest of the family.  Is no one available to help grandma at all?  Like clean the house for her sometimes or hire someone to do it.

    Turn the first floor into her complete living space, so she doesn't have to go up the rickety, steep stairs anymore.  If that's not possible, then fix the frickin' stair railings!  It would cost some money, but is fairly quick and easy.  I'm guessing based on it being a two-story basic stairway.  Roughly $150-$300 for DIY.  About $1K to hire it out.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    short+sassy said:
    This is almost exactly my elderly neighbor (sigh).  Except she thankfully hasn't broken any bones in one of her many falls.  Yet.

    It's hard to see someone you care about put themselves in danger.  But, assuming the grandmother is mentally competent, that's her decision to make and the LW needs to accept that.  The grandmother might prefer to die younger in her own house than have it extended by living in an assisted care facility.

    I'm also curious about the rest of the family.  Is no one available to help grandma at all?  Like clean the house for her sometimes or hire someone to do it.

    Turn the first floor into her complete living space, so she doesn't have to go up the rickety, steep stairs anymore.  If that's not possible, then fix the frickin' stair railings!  It would cost some money, but is fairly quick and easy.  I'm guessing based on it being a two-story basic stairway.  Roughly $150-$300 for DIY.  About $1K to hire it out.
    I think putting in ramps and going to a first floor is easier said than done depending on the house.  Ex: my parents *could* do this but they still need to get in and out of the home which is a flight of stairs down to the cars.    


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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
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    Rent is crazy expensive - maybe a family member wants to move in to keep an eye on her while having a place to stay?  It depends on the family situation though.

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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    banana468 said:
    short+sassy said:
    This is almost exactly my elderly neighbor (sigh).  Except she thankfully hasn't broken any bones in one of her many falls.  Yet.

    It's hard to see someone you care about put themselves in danger.  But, assuming the grandmother is mentally competent, that's her decision to make and the LW needs to accept that.  The grandmother might prefer to die younger in her own house than have it extended by living in an assisted care facility.

    I'm also curious about the rest of the family.  Is no one available to help grandma at all?  Like clean the house for her sometimes or hire someone to do it.

    Turn the first floor into her complete living space, so she doesn't have to go up the rickety, steep stairs anymore.  If that's not possible, then fix the frickin' stair railings!  It would cost some money, but is fairly quick and easy.  I'm guessing based on it being a two-story basic stairway.  Roughly $150-$300 for DIY.  About $1K to hire it out.
    I think putting in ramps and going to a first floor is easier said than done depending on the house.  Ex: my parents *could* do this but they still need to get in and out of the home which is a flight of stairs down to the cars.    


    I was picturing just interior stairs and shutting off the second floor.  Create a bedroom for her on the first floor, if one does not already exist.  But that also assumes there is already a full bath on the first floor and that the kitchen is there.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    short+sassy said:
    banana468 said:
    short+sassy said:
    This is almost exactly my elderly neighbor (sigh).  Except she thankfully hasn't broken any bones in one of her many falls.  Yet.

    It's hard to see someone you care about put themselves in danger.  But, assuming the grandmother is mentally competent, that's her decision to make and the LW needs to accept that.  The grandmother might prefer to die younger in her own house than have it extended by living in an assisted care facility.

    I'm also curious about the rest of the family.  Is no one available to help grandma at all?  Like clean the house for her sometimes or hire someone to do it.

    Turn the first floor into her complete living space, so she doesn't have to go up the rickety, steep stairs anymore.  If that's not possible, then fix the frickin' stair railings!  It would cost some money, but is fairly quick and easy.  I'm guessing based on it being a two-story basic stairway.  Roughly $150-$300 for DIY.  About $1K to hire it out.
    I think putting in ramps and going to a first floor is easier said than done depending on the house.  Ex: my parents *could* do this but they still need to get in and out of the home which is a flight of stairs down to the cars.    


    I was picturing just interior stairs and shutting off the second floor.  Create a bedroom for her on the first floor, if one does not already exist.  But that also assumes there is already a full bath on the first floor and that the kitchen is there.
    My point - comparing to my parents' home - is that they can't get out of the house without stairs.

    So really that is a stop gap and short term plan.  But it's a BAD idea for anything long term if you can't leave your front porch without a fear of falling.  
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