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Wedding Woes

Here is your permission to DTMFA.

Dear Prudence,

We have been married for about 25 years. We have two adult children, a house, dog and basically your average suburban existence. One of us has been the only income provider for some two-thirds of this time. There is no sex life, or rather it ended between us about 15 years ago, when my spouse decided to seek other diversions. This blew up in a nasty, acrimonious fashion, with my spouse’s romantic entanglements causing issues for another married couple. Eventually we were able to pick up the pieces; but still, there is no intimacy, and the kind of emotional connection we once treasured is dead. We are, frankly, roommates and friends who share minimal parenting plus some investments. I am not satisfied with this, and it seems we’re locked into this mutual dissatisfaction, yet neither of us appears motivated to make a change. Should I make the first move to kill this zombie marriage? Or should I reconcile myself to this cold union?

— Marriage Is…

Re: Here is your permission to DTMFA.

  • edited April 2022
    Why did you both to pick up the pieces in the first place? It yes, get out now and don’t waste any more time on this disaster. 
  • Do you WANT intimacy to return?  If you don't get a lawyer. 
  • Your relationship has ended.  Give yourself permission to move on, it doesn't sound like there's any reason to stay or that you want to.
  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Another vote for ending the marriage
  • I always said… if you’re writing this letter to ask - you already know the answer.

  • I felt miserable just reading this letter, so I can't even imagine living it. Get out of there, LW.
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  • I can see how this happened.  Major change can be hard and people get stuck in this kind of inertia.

    Where they know what the right answer is, but don't have the motivation to change.

    The LW needs to find the motivation, before they are writing this same letter another 15 years from now.  It's not too late to start over and find a better life.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • If you're not satisfied, make a change. If you don't care enough to make a change, maybe you need to ask yourself why.

    I have to wonder if you're really ok with the way things are.
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