Private Vows

Re: Private Vows

• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  April 2022

  Vows aren't feelings they are promises, but I get that you are shy about being in front of people. The first thing you need to do is talk with your fiancé. If they are strongly against having a first look you need to figure that our before you can even consider private vows. I think a ceremony without vows would be odd - I mean that is the important part of the ceremony along with a blessing if you have a religious ceremony. Also, some states require certain vows to be witnessed by another person. You might need to check into that depending on where you live. 

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• MobKaz member

  

  April 2022

  knottiecc68d0f940a6e637 said:

  I am shy and a private person and I cringe thinking about sharing my feelings in front of a crowd especially friends and family. My fiancé does not want to do a first look and I also feel like what would be ceremony really be without vows. Does anyone have ideas on changing it up and doing vows privately? Does anyone have regrets about doing it privately or during  a first look? 

  
  Traditional wedding vows are typically very straightforward and simply state your lifetime pledge to one another. I have attended weddings where even these "classic" or traditional vows are hard to hear as the couple is stating them to each other and not loudly for all to hear.  These couples are either caught up in the moment of the intimacy or simply have forgotten that there are others in attendance.  There is nothing wrong with that!
  You and your FI could agree to put your more personal vows into a card or letter to be read during a quiet moment at your reception, or even once alone together at the end of the evening.  It's really nice after the wedding but before the reception to find a quiet spot and moment for the couple to just decompress and "take it all in".
  

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• levioosa member

  

  April 2022

  There were only two people in attendance at our elopement but the original plan when we were going to go to the courthouse was to do a first look and give each other our vows privately. If fiancé is totally against a first look I would write cards with your vows, or say them to each other in a private moment after the ceremony and before the reception. The vows you say during the ceremony might legally have to be said, but the classic vows are very straightforward and short. I would explore why your fiancé doesn’t want a first look. Is it just tradition? Or is there a verbalized reason? We did a first look even though we eloped and it was still my favorite part of the day. It gave us a moment to take each other in and enjoy it before we got to the ceremony part. 

  
  

  
  

  

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• maine7mob member

  

  April 2022

  Weddings have always required witnesses, whether the ceremony is religious or secular. If you really aren't comfortable saying your vows in front of a lot of people, why not have a simple courthouse wedding with just a few family members? You could have a party to celebrate your marriage sometime later.
  
  Also, lots of people don't do photographed/filmed first looks. They aren't required at all. The first time my son-in-law saw my daughter in her wedding dress was as she was walking up the church aisle to meet him at the altar.

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• banana468 member

  

  April 2022

  I'll be honest - if I could go back I would have done a first look instead of having DH see me as I walked down the aisle.  We did have a church wedding but I think it would have calmed us both down. 

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  April 2022

  maine7mob said:

  Weddings have always required witnesses, whether the ceremony is religious or secular. If you really aren't comfortable saying your vows in front of a lot of people, why not have a simple courthouse wedding with just a few family members? You could have a party to celebrate your marriage sometime later.
  
  Also, lots of people don't do photographed/filmed first looks. They aren't required at all. The first time my son-in-law saw my daughter in her wedding dress was as she was walking up the church aisle to meet him at the altar.

  This is necessarily true. My state doesn't require witnesses. 
  
  Not doing a first look is one of my wedding regrets. We didn't do one because of some notion about tradition or luck or whatever. In reality, those are stupid reasons and we should have thought it through. OP, I would push your FI to give you a reason not to do a first look, and challenge them to come up with a reason that is more important than making you comfortable. Don't reject a practical solution because of "tradition." 

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• maine7mob member

  

  April 2022

  Every state requires at least one witness, even if it's just the judge or notary performing the ceremony. 

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