Dear Prudence,
My cousin, Sarah has decided to name me her Maid of Honor (MOH). She’s been talking about her wedding since we were kids and how I’d always be her MOH. We were raised as sisters rather than cousins. I love her and value her unconditionally. We also live on opposite sides of the country. She’s planning on having the wedding in my city.
Here’s the problem: Sarah and my entire family were working under the impression that I’d plan her entire wedding, mind you I’m not a wedding planner by trade nor do I enjoy planning events. I know I’ve been the rock for my family and dependable, but I’ve been pretty malleable as of late. I invited her to consider hiring a wedding planner as she had no intentions of planning her own wedding. I thought we compromised with her hiring one, and I’d work with them alongside her mom in my city to get all the face to face elements done to save her trips. For context as to why I recommended a wedding planner, at the time she didn’t have a vision, number of guests, ceremony and location (church, banquet halls, lakeside, go to court, etc.).
We are now 6 months away from her selected wedding date. There’s no wedding planner and no location. I decided to confirm if there even will be a wedding. She replied with she believes I can plan the wedding and if we’re falling behind that’s because I’m letting it happen, since she’s not versed in the timelines of planning a wedding. I explained to her every time we talk it’s an endless cycle of “I don’t know,” and I’m being forced to take a test where I’m being punished for my knowledge of wedding dress lead times and securing a post-pandemic wedding venue (I’ve watched Say Yes to the Dress and been a bridesmaid five different times). I’m balancing being assertive and showing some compassion, but in terms of where I’m at in my life, I’ve started to set boundaries for the sake of my health and mental wellbeing.
She decided to add new bridesmaids to the mix, and I’m being texted by them one by one about gifts and wedding venue options and dress designs. I’ve been replying to each of them saying let’s talk to Sarah. I’m exhausted and don’t want to plan the entire wedding. But I also don’t want to burn bridges. Any tips on how so I can make it all stop?
— Forced Wedding Planner