Mom passed, need advice for aunt

knottie070424d3e4b64615 · May 2022

Hi everyone, I really hope you all can help.
My aunt passed away suddenly at 39, she and my mother (her sister) were best friends and true soulmates. My cousin has always been like a sister to us and even more so since her mom passed. Long story short, within a year of my aunt's passing her husband remarried an awful woman who has contributed to his alienation from his (now adult) children.
My cousin's 2 older brothers will walk her down the aisle and be paying for the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon.
We are a very close family and two of my sisters, my granddaughter (I'm a much older cousin), and 3 nieces will all be in the wedding. My siblings and I are covering her bridal shower, photographer, and limo.
My question is that my mother is not sure of the best way to honor her sister on her niece's wedding day. She would like to do some of the things the mother of the bride would normally do, without overstepping and coming across as if she is trying to take her place. (I have attempted to assure her that my cousin would not feel that way, but she wants to be sensitive to the likelihood that this will be one of the most difficult days for my essentially orphaned cousin. This will also be an emotional day for my mother, knowing her sister is not there to witness her only daughter wed.)
So please tell me, what are some traditional mother of the bride tasks or gifts that my mother may be able to provide without it coming across as "too much"?

Jen4948 · June 2022

The best thing for your mother to do here is to talk to your cousin and find out whether she would like your mother to do anything. That's because there really aren't any "tasks" or "gifts" that mark the mother of the bride as such, except perhaps corsages.

climbingsingle · June 2022

Jen4948 said:

The best thing for your mother to do here is to talk to your cousin and find out whether she would like your mother to do anything. That's because there really aren't any "tasks" or "gifts" that mark the mother of the bride as such, except perhaps corsages.

This exactly.

short+sassy · June 2022

I can't think of too many things that the mother of the bride (MOB) typically does.

She's often there when the bride is trying on/choosing her gown. But that would be something your cousin would invite people to.

I thought my own mother would help me put on my dress and all of that kind of stuff, on my wedding day. But she was also the one hosting the wedding. As it turned out, I hardly saw her when I was getting ready, because she was busy doing other things. It was my aunt that helped me with all of that. It was anything planned ahead of time, it was just what happened.

Overall, I think your mother should have one-on-one conversation with her niece. Be a sympathetic ear. Let her know that she knows this is a hard time for her and, if she wants to talk, she'll be there for her. She could also ask if there is anything she could do for her on the wedding day.

ILoveBeachMusic · June 2022

I agree that your mother should talk to your cousin and ask if there is anything that she would like her to do. I do think that the MOB and MOH traditionally helps the bride get ready (even though my mother didn't do that).

MobKaz · June 2022

knottie070424d3e4b64615 said:

Hi everyone, I really hope you all can help.
My aunt passed away suddenly at 39, she and my mother (her sister) were best friends and true soulmates. My cousin has always been like a sister to us and even more so since her mom passed. Long story short, within a year of my aunt's passing her husband remarried an awful woman who has contributed to his alienation from his (now adult) children.
My cousin's 2 older brothers will walk her down the aisle and be paying for the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon.
We are a very close family and two of my sisters, my granddaughter (I'm a much older cousin), and 3 nieces will all be in the wedding. My siblings and I are covering her bridal shower, photographer, and limo.
My question is that my mother is not sure of the best way to honor her sister on her niece's wedding day. She would like to do some of the things the mother of the bride would normally do, without overstepping and coming across as if she is trying to take her place. (I have attempted to assure her that my cousin would not feel that way, but she wants to be sensitive to the likelihood that this will be one of the most difficult days for my essentially orphaned cousin. This will also be an emotional day for my mother, knowing her sister is not there to witness her only daughter wed.)
So please tell me, what are some traditional mother of the bride tasks or gifts that my mother may be able to provide without it coming across as "too much"?

Does your mom have any jewelry from her sister, or know of jewelry given to her niece that she could have cleaned and/or redesigned to gift your cousin?
As the MOB, my role remained typically parental. I made sure everyone had food to eat during the morning preparation period of hair, make-up, and dressing. I made sure to have the "emergency" kit for all sudden/accidental scenarios that might crop up. I made sure everyone had transportation covered.

I also agree that a time set aside to speak personally with her niece is the best first step. Just reminding her niece that she is there for any support could be a comfort.

knottie08632f779cb3753c · June 2023

Your mother can help gather and organize mementos related to your cousin's parents, such as photographs or other sentimental items, and create a memory table or display at the wedding venue. This would be a beautiful tribute and a way to honor their memory.

Mom passed, need advice for aunt

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