Dear Prudence,
I had an affair for two years with a married man six years ago. We split because I told his wife. We have always stayed in contact but not seen each other until recently, when we started back up with the affiar. We no longer live in the same state, so I flew to him, and it was like no time had passed. Unlike when we first started, I’m now in a relationship, and yes, it’s unhealthy and unhappy; my affair partner does not know and I don’t want to tell him. Also, now he’s paying for my stay when I come, and he gave me money while I was there and a check before I left.
I like him for him, and he also has expressed that it’s not about the sex with me, it’s the whole package. My problem is I don’t want him to feel like he has to pay me—or should I say, I don’t wanna be anybody’s sugar baby—but I also don’t want to give up this affair because I do love this man. Should his actions be a red flag to me, or am I wrong in thinking that he’s trying to keep me like a sugar baby? He is older than me but not by much. Every time I tell him he doesn’t have to give me money or pay for things, he always says “you’re right, I don’t have to, but I want to.” I just don’t want to turn into one of these mistresses that is being financially supported or taken care of by a man that I’m sleeping with.
— I Just Don’t Know