Wedding Woes

Statistics are information; no more, no less.

Dear Prudence,

I am a married mom of three: One in the armed services, one leaving for college in the fall, and an elementary schooler. I have been happily married to the love of my life for 20 years. I recently had weight loss surgery (a vertical sleeve gastrectomy, to be precise). I am losing weight and inches, and it’s phenomenal. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years. My husband was very supportive during the entire process; in fact, he is just downright supportive of everything I do and vice versa. We have an amazing family dynamic.

After surgery, we had a mutual friend warn us of the bariatric failed marriage rates, and they are alarming to say the least. Basically, what happens is that either the spouse gets jealous of the new attention, the person who had surgery initiates an affair or the divorce, or other basic marriage breakdowns occur. My husband and I are devoted to one another. I couldn’t image life without him; I’ve been with him more than half my life. And he loves the person I’m becoming, which he demonstrates by showing me how to avoid post-surgery pitfalls and changing his diet to support me. My question is: How can I be sure I don’t make him feel inadequate? How can we avoid falling into these statistics?

— Not Big on Divorce

Re: Statistics are information; no more, no less.

  • Man what a shitty friend. 


    image
  • Statistically 50% of marriages end after the marriage starts. 

    I'd tell the friend that there's a grown stat that shitty friends end friendships too.

    Or ask, "Would you have preferred I stay at an unhealthy weight because statistics said that was better for my marriage even if it meant a likelier earlier death?" 
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2022
    I thought the divorce rate was over 50% regardless?

    eta; take WL surgery and put it aside.  I’ve had friends who lost weight on their own, with surgery, etc and some have left their partners. It’s true. It happens.  But some have also stayed.  It’s the strength of the relationship.


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