Can't cope with sister's coping mechanism.
Dear Prudence,
My 38-year-old, chronically ill, closeted sister “Jamie” is isolated in the sad little rural house we grew up in, caring for our elderly, disabled parents, who, due to past abuse, none of their other kids will have anything to do with. She has only two outlets: her 2-to-3 hour, 2-to-3 times per week phone conversations with me, and watching horror movies. Hearing about the details of my life depresses her, since hers is so bleak by comparison, so instead we used to talk about all kinds of books and movies. But ever since our parents got sick, and then the pandemic struck, she’s pretty much stopped reading, and only wants to watch horror: the gorier the violence, the more world-destroying the apocalypse, the sadder and more nihilistic the ending, the better.
The trouble is, since getting pregnant and giving birth to my daughter in February, I have completely lost my taste for all but the mildest horror and anything remotely apocalyptic. I just can’t help mentally inserting myself and my family into these scenarios. Hearing about vicious torture-murders revolts and angers me in a way it never did before, and my sister yammering gleefully about all humanity being destroyed basically sounds to me like, “I hope you and your husband and your stupid baby get raped by zombie cannibals and vivisected by mutant sharks and burn up in the exploding sun and DIE!!!!”
Thanks to our strict religious upbringing, Jamie is extremely sensitive to being judged for her tastes. But I can’t get away with muting her or avoiding her calls for much longer. How can I tell her the one caring person in her life doesn’t want to hear about the thing that’s become almost her whole life, without making her feel abandoned or condemned? And I’m not nearly as good at talking at length about something the other person hasn’t read or watched. So what can we talk about instead?
— Tortured by Torture Talk
Re: Can't cope with sister's coping mechanism.
Right?
She needs to tell her sister that she just can't handle the gory, horror movies, even if she is just listening about them.
Soften it with, "But I love talking about books and other movies with you."
Maybe they could watch a mutually agreeable movie online, together. Or, like @charlotte989875 mentioned, they decide on a book to read and then have discussions about that.
If the LW can handle, she could suggest "horror-light". More of a murder mystery/detective/thriller type of movie or book.
In fact, with some gentle prodding from the LW, the sister might get back into the (relatively speaking) better mental state that she was in before.