You have all failed the kids here.

mrsconn23 · July 2022

Dear Prudence,

I am a single mom of two, and we live in an apartment complex with a pool. My kids are too young to stay home by themselves, so I pay my 14-year-old niece to babysit them. There have been several incidents where my neighbors have seen my niece watching my kids, so they send out theirs and expect my niece to keep an eye on them (several even scolded her when their kids got hurt running or fighting). The pool complex has no lifeguards, and no one under 12 is supposed to be there without supervision. This is extremely stressful for my niece, and my sister has ordered me to get a handle on it. I have tried, but it isn’t like I know these people personally. I can’t even identify which kids go where, and the few I do will not respond if I knock or leave notes.

This all came to a head when one lady sent her 5-year-old to the pool while my niece was there with my kids and then locked her door and left. My niece had no clue what to do. She was scared. She wasn’t going to leave him there alone, but he didn’t know his mom’s number. I was in a meeting, so my niece called my sister, who had to leave work and drive across town. The mother got back around the same time as when my sister arrived, there was a screaming match, and another neighbor threatened to call the cops. My sister told him to go ahead because she was going to report this witch for child abandonment. It ended with the lady grabbing her kid and cursing my sister and niece out and going inside.

When I found all this out, I asked my sister why she escalated everything. She told me this was crazy and she wasn’t going to have her daughter here anymore. I could find another baby sitter. I have been scrambling for childcare ever since, but I can’t find anyone consistent enough. I begged my sister to relent, but she claims her daughter has been traumatized enough and isn’t going to be put in that position again. (She says I can drop my kids at her house, but my work is in the opposite direction, and I would be fighting traffic all the way, not to mention I can’t afford the gas. My niece was taking the bus.)

I need help here. This isn’t the best neighborhood, but it is all I can afford.

— Pool Side

banana468 · July 2022

LW you screwed up big time and you've hurt your children and your niece the most.

Your answer should have been the INSTANT that this happened is that your niece is only watching your kids and she needs to tell parents who do this that she is NOT watching them and will call the authorities if it happens.

That you think your sister escalated this and are not seeing this for the major safety issue that it is makes me question your overall judgement.

charlotte989875 · July 2022

Your sister is the only responsible parent in this entire situation. Your niece called, about a potentially dangerous situation with your children and you did nothing because you were in a meeting?! FFS.

levioosa · July 2022

In addition to the points above, a 14 year old should not be expected to watch kids at the pool alone. That’s incredibly dangerous. They don’t know what to look for as far as drowning, and they certainly don’t know what to do if something was to happen.

banana468 · July 2022

levioosa said:

In addition to the points above, a 14 year old should not be expected to watch kids at the pool alone. That’s incredibly dangerous. They don’t know what to look for as far as drowning, and they certainly don’t know what to do if something was to happen.

The only thing I can say in the defense of the 14 yo is that it could depend on the pool. Our marina has a pool that is small and also only 5 feet deep. I'd let Chiquita watch children there in 3 years under strict rules but it would not be the case for other kids in other places.

levioosa · July 2022

banana468 said:

levioosa said:

In addition to the points above, a 14 year old should not be expected to watch kids at the pool alone. That’s incredibly dangerous. They don’t know what to look for as far as drowning, and they certainly don’t know what to do if something was to happen.

The only thing I can say in the defense of the 14 yo is that it could depend on the pool. Our marina has a pool that is small and also only 5 feet deep. I'd let Chiquita watch children there in 3 years under strict rules but it would not be the case for other kids in other places.

But drowning can happen in less than a foot of water. Most of the time it is silent. Sometimes it looks like play. A 14 year old, ESPECIALLY a 14 year old without proper lifeguard training could never be expected to recognize the subtle signs. Also extra nopes to the fact that the kids at the pool were younger.

short+sassy · July 2022

I'm the most alarmed at what kind of crazy parents leave their kids at a pool with a young teenaged stranger. Or any stranger, for that matter.

I got the impression from the letter that the neighbors often weren't even asking the niece. They were just sending their kids to the pool, without walking them over to say anything.

While it makes sense that the young niece called her aunt and then her mom, as an older more experienced person, I wouldn't have done either of those things. I would have called the apartment office first to see if they wanted to handle the situation or should I just go straight to calling the police.

The child's mom can weave whatever story makes her feel better. But, assuming she said nothing to the niece or the niece refused, it's abandonment. Period. No different than if she'd left her child home alone. In fact, the child would have been safer left alone in a house than by a pool.

I'm a little surprised the niece kept going to the pool. Yes, it massively sucks and it's obnoxious that the niece couldn't enjoy an amenity because of how rude other people are. But it would have been less stress and she could have kept her babysitting gig.

Or maybe the babysitting gig wasn't worth it, without hanging out by the pool. That would be fair enough also.

Maybe that's a solution for the LW. Ask if the niece is willing to come back for higher pay, in exchange for avoiding the pool area.

However you slice it, the sister/niece have been EXTREMELY accommodating. I'm sure the LW's life is hard. But childcare isn't anyone else's problem and the niece or her mom can choose to stop doing it, for whatever reason they want.

kerbohl · July 2022

short+sassy said:

I'm the most alarmed at what kind of crazy parents leave their kids at a pool with a young teenaged stranger. Or any stranger, for that matter.

I got the impression from the letter that the neighbors often weren't even asking the niece. They were just sending their kids to the pool, without walking them over to say anything.

While it makes sense that the young niece called her aunt and then her mom, as an older more experienced person, I wouldn't have done either of those things. I would have called the apartment office first to see if they wanted to handle the situation or should I just go straight to calling the police.

The child's mom can weave whatever story makes her feel better. But, assuming she said nothing to the niece or the niece refused, it's abandonment. Period. No different than if she'd left her child home alone. In fact, the child would have been safer left alone in a house than by a pool.

I'm a little surprised the niece kept going to the pool. Yes, it massively sucks and it's obnoxious that the niece couldn't enjoy an amenity because of how rude other people are. But it would have been less stress and she could have kept her babysitting gig.

Or maybe the babysitting gig wasn't worth it, without hanging out by the pool. That would be fair enough also.

Maybe that's a solution for the LW. Ask if the niece is willing to come back for higher pay, in exchange for avoiding the pool area.

However you slice it, the sister/niece have been EXTREMELY accommodating. I'm sure the LW's life is hard. But childcare isn't anyone else's problem and the niece or her mom can choose to stop doing it, for whatever reason they want.

Me too! Or, more importantly, that the aunt knew this was happening and didn't tell the niece to leave the pool area when this happens. A simple "I've tried to talk to my neighbours and they won't stop doing this, and this is not fair to you. Next time this happens, leave the pool when the other children come unsupervised". This would have been safer.

MissKittyDanger · July 2022

Am I the weird one who would find a way to intentionally set up these neighbors on this so I can call them out?
Like send niece down and be there, but not nearby enough for people to see.

But yeh .... wtf neighbors.
Thankful for the sister for coming because at 14 idk what I'd do.

MyNameIsNot · July 2022

As someone who was a pretty regular 14 year old babysitter, fucking nope all over the place here. A 14 y/o is not prepared to deal with any of this. LW needs to pull her head out of her ass. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that niece really doesn't want to continue babysitting for entitled, irresponsible LW and her mom is being the bad guy for her.

ei34 · July 2022

They didn't all fail the kids here. LW's sister is the only one with a head on her shoulders and did the right thing. LW is taking advantage of the poor niece and so are the neighbors. Time for LW to find new childcare arrangements.

*I used to feel really uncomfortable when I was with my kids at a playground or trail and random kids would come up to us. My kids were too young to be without helicopter-parent supervision (like ages 2-3) and the new kids were a bit older...as a parent of middle-childhood kids now I understand that a 7-yr-old doesn't need their adult five feet away anymore. But either way I used to hate when the older kid would start doing something dangerous like hanging upside down from high-up monkey bars (like, 10' in the air), or jumping off rocks to the trail also from around 10' up. I felt like the adult in charge. And i was an actual adult not an overworked 14-yr-old! Super wrong on LW and all the neighbors. A pool?! That's a disaster waiting to happen.

You have all failed the kids here.

Re: You have all failed the kids here.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards