Dear Prudence,
Visiting my in-laws has always been tough and worsened with time. They live more than three hours away, so we have to drive down Fridays after work and stay for the weekend or longer to make a trip worth it. When we’re there, we basically do what we would do during a lazy weekend at home: watch TV, maybe put on a movie, and get takeout.
My brother-in-law (who lives at home) is a barely functioning alcoholic who has relapsed multiple times after in-patient rehab. My father-in-law’s mental health took a nosedive after a heart attack a few years ago, and he spends most of his time sleeping. My mother-in-law is the only person we actually “visit” with, but she spends a lot of time on her phone. They adopted a dog a couple years ago that still isn’t house-trained, and my wife and I regularly clean up after her. At best she starts barking between 5-to-6 a.m., but it’s typically around 3 a.m. She also jumps and nips at my larger, calmer dog constantly until she snaps, and we have to separate them.
Now my wife and I are expecting our first child. The idea of driving my dog and baby in a mid-sized car three hours to stay with a dysfunctional family and do nothing all weekend sounds awful. My wife agrees we won’t be making a trip to see them for “a while” after she’s born, but I’m dreading the day when my MIL finally pressures her into scheduling a trip. What obligation do we have to visit them, and how should we navigate those conversations? They’re welcome to visit us as much as they want, but the idea of making that road trip fills me with so much anxiety every time I think about it.
— Family Trip from Hell