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Classic: Yes it's odd, but you're making it a really big deal.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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in Wedding Woes

My husband loves to get his feet massaged. When he was younger (think elementary school and up), his mom had him massage her feet often, probably once a week. When he told me about this, I was horrified, even after he assured me these massages were purely a therapeutic thing and not sexual. Now my husband has started telling our young daughter about how she needs to start rubbing his feet. I’ve told him that either I’ll massage them or send him to a professional, but I don’t want her massaging anyone. Am I wrong for putting my foot down (sorry for the pun)?


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Re: Classic: Yes it's odd, but you're making it a really big deal.

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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    I give a mean foot massage and massaged both my parents feet and this still sounds sketch to me. 
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    levioosalevioosa member
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    This is not passing my smell test. As someone who used to give their dad back massages (would never in a million years have touched his feet, lol), this is off. 


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    ei34ei34 member
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    edited July 2022
    Okay, maybe I'm not an exciting person sexually but i didn't realize a foot massage could be a sexual thing. 
    I ask my kids to squeeze my feet sometimes...whoops?  They love it and fight over whose turn it is.  Is there something else about your H that is bothering you LW?  Do you have a thing with feet?  

    Edit- re-read and agree the fact that daughter "needs" to massage his feet is strange.  I used to give my parents massages (still do sometimes) but it was a choice, they both have bad feet and my mom has had RA since before i was born and my dad worked so many jobs that he was often sore.  If I "had" to, or if I forced my kids to do it to me, I agree that'd be strange.  It shouldn't be an expectation.)
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    ei34 said:
    Okay, maybe I'm not an exciting person sexually but i didn't realize a foot massage could be a sexual thing. 
    I ask my kids to squeeze my feet sometimes...whoops?  They love it and fight over whose turn it is.  Is there something else about your H that is bothering you LW?  Do you have a thing with feet?  

    Edit- re-read and agree the fact that daughter "needs" to massage his feet is strange.  I used to give my parents massages (still do sometimes) but it was a choice, they both have bad feet and my mom has had RA since before i was born and my dad worked so many jobs that he was often sore.  If I "had" to, or if I forced my kids to do it to me, I agree that'd be strange.  It shouldn't be an expectation.)
    Yeah I think that’s it. I was a dancer and got good at massaging my own feet and offered. It wasn’t an expectation or request 
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    banana468banana468 member
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    Has the LW seen Pulp Fiction 100 times? 

    There's way more information needed here.  At the innocuous phase, I'd guess that the LW's H did this and it became a bonding thing for him and the mom.  He knows his mom liked it and was a (nonsexual) thing for the two of them.  If the H has fond memories that this was a thing they had then maybe him asking the daughter to do it is his way of trying to have the same bond.

    But telling a kid that they HAVE to massage feet is weird.  And the H needs to know that doing that isn't common.  So you can enjoy that you had that thing with your mom but you can't take your own "tradition" and force it on your kid especially when your wife is bristling at the Oedipal connotations. 
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    @banana468, I was thinking "Now look, I've given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something. We act like they don't, but they do, and that's what's so fucking cool about them."

    How about taking it from a bodily autonomy perspective. Just like you shouldn't force your kid to hug people, you don't tell them that they have to rub anyone in any context. 
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    banana468banana468 member
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    MyNameIsNot said:
    @banana468, I was thinking "Now look, I've given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something. We act like they don't, but they do, and that's what's so fucking cool about them."

    How about taking it from a bodily autonomy perspective. Just like you shouldn't force your kid to hug people, you don't tell them that they have to rub anyone in any context. 
    @MyNameIsNot I audibly laughed! 

    To your other point - EXACTLY! You can try to talk to your kiddo and say, "Hey I always rubbed Nana's feet as a kid because she was always standing up and cooking for us.  Daddy would love it if you did that."  But the dude needs to present it ONCE and drop it.  Because the kid is ALLOWED to say no even if he wasn't. 


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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    MyNameIsNot said:

    How about taking it from a bodily autonomy perspective. Just like you shouldn't force your kid to hug people, you don't tell them that they have to rub anyone in any context. 
    This is where I'm at with it. I don't like the idea of forcing a kid to do it. 
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    ei34 said:
    Okay, maybe I'm not an exciting person sexually but i didn't realize a foot massage could be a sexual thing. 
    I ask my kids to squeeze my feet sometimes...whoops?  They love it and fight over whose turn it is.  Is there something else about your H that is bothering you LW?  Do you have a thing with feet?  

    Edit- re-read and agree the fact that daughter "needs" to massage his feet is strange.  I used to give my parents massages (still do sometimes) but it was a choice, they both have bad feet and my mom has had RA since before i was born and my dad worked so many jobs that he was often sore.  If I "had" to, or if I forced my kids to do it to me, I agree that'd be strange.  It shouldn't be an expectation.)
    Normally I'm happy to be childless.  However, I didn't realize this was a perk of motherhood.  Rethinking my decision, lol.

    I don't think of it as sexual at all.  But it does feel like something that's very personal, so maybe that is why the LW feels uncomfortable with it.

    There is nothing wrong with a child rubbing their parent's feet, so the LW needs to get over that part.  But the child should never feel like they have to or pressured in any way.

    This discussion brought back a fond memory.  When my sister and I were really little, probably around ages 2-7, our dad liked us to walk on his back.  I assume it was massaging for him, but my sister and I thought it was so much fun!  We would sometimes ask him if we could walk on his back.
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    Jstump2Jstump2 member
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    I sometimes rub my two daughters feet. It started when they were having growing pains and I would massage their legs and feet to try and help alleviate their discomfort. Now they ask for "piggy time" aka foot massages and sometimes if they are feeling generous they reciprocate, lol.
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