My boyfriend’s family are huge “ask forgiveness instead of permission” people. His mom once let herself into my hotel room and helped herself to a pair of underwear from my suitcase, and then acted like I was crazy when I was upset about it. About six months ago, he started therapy working on how to consistently stand up to them. Ultimately, if he can’t get there, we won’t be staying together.
Although I find them difficult, there’s one thing that helps me out hugely: We currently live in a nice but high-effort fifth floor walk-up. His parents are older, and his siblings have toddlers. No one ever wants to walk up these stairs, which protects our privacy. Our lease comes up in September and the cost is going up substantially. My boyfriend points out we can get another apartment at a lower price somewhere else, but I don’t want to lose this privacy magic. My boyfriend says he’s ready to hold firm boundaries with his family and I want to trust that’s possible, and I don’t want to act like them and push him, but I also don’t believe it. How do we navigate this?
--Princess Doesn't Want to Leave the Tower