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Find a new therapist.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I’m a gay male, and I’ve fallen in love with my straight male therapist. I have read a little about this online, and I know that this is common, and that it’s not really him that I’m in love with. I don’t want to bring this up in therapy because it’s embarrassing, and I also don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable (to clarify, I don’t think that he’d be uncomfortable because I’m a man, but because I’m a patient). However, this is all symbolic of a larger problem that I would like help with. Is there any way I can get help with this problem that allows both of us to keep our professional relationship and dignity? What is the most diplomatic way I can address this, preferably tiptoeing around the actual issue?

— In Treatment

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Re: Find a new therapist.

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    downtondivadowntondiva member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    How long have you felt this way? It's my understanding that the transference/being in love with one's therapist usually resolves after a period of time, though it can take some effort.

    If you are concerned that these feelings aren't resolving and that they will interfere with your ability to address other, larger issues, you should probably look into getting a new therapist, especially if you don't feel comfortable talking to your current one about these feelings.
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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If part of what you’re going to therapy for is the transference/ thinking you’re in in love with your therapist then I’d try and bring this up to your therapist because ultimately even if you find a new one this could still be a problem.

    Additionally if he’s been practicing long enough this will have come up before and he’ll know how to manage it professionally. 
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