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"Formal" is a wide range, the dress sounds lovely

short+sassyshort+sassy member
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in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I am attending a wedding with a formal dress code. I don’t know the bride very well, none of us do. The groom is a longtime friend of my husband and our circle of friends. We are happy to attend, but the dress code makes me nervous. I have never attended a formal event before and I bought a dress for the occasion. Now, I’m scared to be overdressed. I don’t feel close enough to the bride to ask her advice and besides, it is too late now.

I have to admit the dress is gorgeous. Navy blue with a champagne jupon. Age appropriate (I’m 45), discreet accessories, sober shoes. Thing is: Is this what she meant by formal or did I go a bit too far? To me, it feels like I’m dressed for the red carpet or a ball at Versailles. On the other hand, my husband is one of the groomsmen, and I know how much he had to pay for his suit. I felt a pressure to match the price range. I may have taken that as a guide for my own shopping. Was I wrong? Is it better to be underdressed or overdressed at such an event?

— Overdressed in Montreal

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Re: "Formal" is a wide range, the dress sounds lovely

  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    What on earth is a jupon?
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    I wonder what LW's husband says, b/c he'd be a better judge than any of us.

    I had to look up jupon, b/c I haven't seen it used since costuming class and I always thought it was pretty specific to a time period.  Seems there ar a few different things it could be, but I'm guessing she means the tight fitting quilted type jacket and not a petticoat.
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    VarunaTT said:
    I wonder what LW's husband says, b/c he'd be a better judge than any of us.

    I had to look up jupon, b/c I haven't seen it used since costuming class and I always thought it was pretty specific to a time period.  Seems there ar a few different things it could be, but I'm guessing she means the tight fitting quilted type jacket and not a petticoat.
    That actually does sound weird tbh. Like is this is normal department store dress?
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    Yeah, i went and googled her description and couldn't really find anything.  I can see a petticoat of a different color underneath too, so I really have no clue what she could be describing. 

    I'm almost wondering if it's not like your standard MIL type wedding dress, with a dress and then the jacket over it (b/c she mentioned her age)?  Still, jupon seems odd AF to be in current usage and I can't even really imagine a high end boutique/designer using it?  I follow quite a few couture designers and have never seen jupon used in their clothing descriptions.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    I honestly think that the LW's letter is too odd and makes me wonder.

    LW isn't much older than me.  Why can't she look up the venue and the time of day and try to see what's going on?  The internet is your friend!  Google the venue and formal events and see what other women are wearing!
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    VarunaTT said:
    Yeah, i went and googled her description and couldn't really find anything.  I can see a petticoat of a different color underneath too, so I really have no clue what she could be describing. 

    I'm almost wondering if it's not like your standard MIL type wedding dress, with a dress and then the jacket over it (b/c she mentioned her age)?  Still, jupon seems odd AF to be in current usage and I can't even really imagine a high end boutique/designer using it?  I follow quite a few couture designers and have never seen jupon used in their clothing descriptions.
    It makes me wonder if the LW is someone who may need to get out a bit more?
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    I went with, if the LW loves the dress and feels it's fit for the red carpet, then it sounds like a great dress.  If someone tells me "formal", I might wear a full length ballgown, so they better be careful with that word, lol.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    LW's husband is a groomsman. Why can't he ask the groom "what do y'all mean by formal?" But also, is husband in a tux? This dress sounds like it matches a dude in a tux. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    MyNameIsNot said:
    LW's husband is a groomsman. Why can't he ask the groom "what do y'all mean by formal?" But also, is husband in a tux? This dress sounds like it matches a dude in a tux. 
    In the letter, she calls her husband's attire a "suit".  So I assumed he is not wearing a tux and this is not a black-tie wedding.
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
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    "Formal" is very vague. The last wedding I went to that specified "formal attire," I knew enough about the event to know that a little black dress and some nice jewelry would be fine. There were people dressed fancier than me and people dressed less formally than me. For another wedding that I was told was "as formal as formal can be" (still vague!), I wore a long but simple black dress with some bolder jewelry and it was perfectly fine. Again, some guests were more formally dressed than I was, some less.

    If the groomsmen are in suits, I suspect the dress that LW describes might be a little much. Why can't they ask the groom about the formality of the event? If he isn't sure how to answer, he can talk to the bride and get back to them.
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
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    edited September 2022
    I’m probably overdressed for what I’m wearing to the wedding this Sunday too. Its listed as a bridesmaid dress and guess what?

    don’t care! 
    Edit; what I’m saying LW, in a world of underdressers, be a trendsetter!

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    edited September 2022
    "45 (age appropriate)" made me laugh and cringe at the same time. Woman, just wear the dress. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    climbingsingle said:
    "45 (age appropriate)" made me laugh and cringe at the same time. Woman, just wear the dress. 
    I cringe at the age appropriate.  Look, I'm not sporting a ton of stuff I stopped wearing in my early 20s but I'm not looking for a MOB dress either.   
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
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    CharmedPam said:
    I’m probably overdressed for what I’m wearing to the wedding this Sunday too. Its listed as a bridesmaid dress and guess what?

    do
    -------------------------
    SITB:

    That dress looks gorgeous!

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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    kerbohl said:
    CharmedPam said:
    I’m probably overdressed for what I’m wearing to the wedding this Sunday too. Its listed as a bridesmaid dress and guess what?

    do
    -------------------------
    SITB:

    That dress looks gorgeous!
    I agree!  That's a really cute dress and I think it will look great on you.  It also seems versatile.  It could be worn out for a nice dinner or a fancier event.

    It also doesn't look like a "bridesmaid's" dress at all.  But then, a good bridesmaid's dress won't "look" like one.  It will just be a pretty dress.
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
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    Thanks! I was pretty much overdressed.  Most people wore casual sundresses but it didn’t bother me much.  My sister lengthened the straps for me and it turned into the MOST comfortable dress. And I’m not one for dresses.  Ever.  I got a lot of compliments and always said “thanks! $35.  Shein”.  I guess I didn’t have to tell everyone the price.  It honestly looks like a $100 you’d get in a department store. 

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