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Your mom is being ridiculous.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

Last week was the five-year anniversary of my grandfather’s passing. My grandfather and I did not have any real relationship outside a call on birthdays. It did not occur to me to reach out to my mom to give condolences that day and I’ve heard secondhand that she is pretty hurt by my perceived callousness. I did see on Facebook from her sibling about her dad’s death anniversary that day but I just did not make the mental connection to send a “thinking of you” text. We talk on the phone once a month and the occasional text throughout the week but still haven’t mentioned it because now I feel like an ass for waiting this long. How can I broach this with her now? Is it worse to admit you didn’t think of it all?

—Injured Heart

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Re: Your mom is being ridiculous.

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Mom is being ridiculous.

    Similar to the classic one last week - if something is important to you to the point that you want attention and mention about it, you need to speak up and say that it's important. 

    But after 5 years, I don't know many people who bring up the anniversary of a loved one's passing.  
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Besides my grandfather passing on Valentine’s Day I couldn’t tell you when my grandparents died. Generally time of year, sure but specific day? I have no idea. 

    Mom is looking for someone for her grief to go, and while it should be a counselor sounds like it’s directed toward the LW. ignore her and hope it passes. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2022
    I was pretty close to my grandpa, as was my mom. Reading this, it occurs to me that this year will be 5 years since he passed. I won't be reaching out to my mom on the anniversary because that's not a thing most people do and I don't remember the date. 

    Mom is being ridiculous. If she wanted to commemorate the 5 year anniversary, she needed to say something about it. 
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Is it bad that the only death anniversary I know is of my two rabbits?  And I do bring it up, or the one both on the day of his death and also on the day I used to celebrate his birthday.  He died March 30th, 2008. My other rabbit died during the moment of silence on November 11th, so I know his death and time of death as well, but that was only because it was weird for him to die at precisely that time.

    Other than that, I know my mom will sometimes bring up in passing the anniversary of a death, but only as a "wow, it's been x years", not "I need sympathy today".

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