Stop asking mom's opinion.

mrsconn23 · September 2022

Dear Prudence,

My mother shot down my attempt at trying something new to make myself look good.
I was trying out some lipstick and lipliner just to see how it’d look on me. Makeup is not exactly my thing, but I’m having a high school reunion in a few days and I just wanted to up the ante a little bit so as to not look shabby, since I don’t usually dress up. I showed the look to my mom after trying it out in the mirror, and she said that I’m just trying to be someone I’m not. I felt hurt. It was hard enough to channel the courage and non-existent makeup skills to do the look, and she just straight up tells me to stop forcing issues that don’t need to be forced. I feel crushed, but even if I explain it to her, she doesn’t get it. What should I do?

—I Hate This Situation

climbingsingle · September 2022

Yup, stop asking for your mom's advice.

banana468 · September 2022

Do not ask or listen to your mom's advice.

CharmedPam · September 2022

I wouldn’t have written a letter about it….

MyNameIsNot · September 2022

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I'm guessing the makeup is just the tip of the iceberg. LW is old enough to be going to a reunion, so in their 20's at the youngest and this dependent on mom's approval. It kind of implies that LW is still living with mom. Of course that's not a problem on it's own, but coupled with seeking approval makes me wonder what else is happening here.

Anyway, LW, ask a supportive friend instead.

mrsconn23 · September 2022

Agreed @MyNameIsNot. It's very odd and speaks to a much deeper issue with the relationship between LW and mom. LW needs to move out/away from their mom, IMO.

short+sassy · September 2022

This is an alarming letter to me. The LW is putting so much weight on something as no/low stakes as wearing lip liner with lipstick.

My armchair psychology. It speaks to being deeply insecure and needing her mother's approval for even the smallest things. That last part is probably exactly by her mother's design. I'm guessing she has been highly critical and given little praise, throughout the LW's life.

banana468 · September 2022

I agree with all of you. This isn't about lipstick. It's that the LW is constantly striving for mom's validation and isn't getting it. They need to stop asking for it because comments like that (if true) are a sign that mom isn't going to be an encouraging presence.

levioosa · September 2022

I love my mom. I would even go so far as to say we are great friends. But I don’t like to take her shopping with me. She makes comments that make me feel awful about myself. So I try my best not to shop with her or if we do go, I try to figure out stuff in the dressing room alone without asking her opinion. There’s some other stuff in this letter that is eyebrow raising but LW needs to learn if someone makes you self conscious about something, you don’t always have to ask their opinion, even when it’s someone you normally trust and love.

MesmrEwe · September 2022

Um - LW - Move out... You're an adult now... Good time to move across the country and go to college/get an extended degree/be independent for a while to set the habit! And wear the gosh darn lipstick and liner if YOU like how you look with it!

charlotte989875 · September 2022

levioosa said:

I love my mom. I would even go so far as to say we are great friends. But I don’t like to take her shopping with me. She makes comments that make me feel awful about myself. So I try my best not to shop with her or if we do go, I try to figure out stuff in the dressing room alone without asking her opinion. There’s some other stuff in this letter that is eyebrow raising but LW needs to learn if someone makes you self conscious about something, you don’t always have to ask their opinion, even when it’s someone you normally trust and love.

So much the same. I just don’t ask her anymore and sure that’s a bummer but I’ve learned that I feel worse when she makes those kinds of comments than if I just can’t include her.

Stop asking mom's opinion.

Re: Stop asking mom's opinion.

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