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I'm with Mr. "You're Too Nice To Me"

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I’m afraid my boyfriend thinks I’m faultless. I’ve been dating him for a few months after being friends for one and a half years. We’ve had our share of moments—wonderful and less than. Mostly me being upset about something he’d said or done—which already worries me. But his usual response is that he will work on it to be the partner I deserve. That he loves me unconditionally, and I deserve better—things along this line.

When I ask him if there’s something he’d like to bring up, or insist he tell me if I’ve made him upset, he says he will… but that it hasn’t happened so often.

This isn’t true, Prudie. I’m sensitive (possibly leading to arguments) and I have a short temper (not to the point of yelling, physical fighting, or brazen insulting, but I can be irritable). In a weird way, it makes me feel like a wolf dating a sheep. On his part, he’s great, kind, and sensitive (as well). Is it strange to be worried about my boyfriend loving me endlessly? I like myself, but I’m not the image of perfection.

—Faultless?

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Re: I'm with Mr. "You're Too Nice To Me"

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It sounds like you're looking for problems that don't exist. Everyone is irritable sometimes; it doesn't always have to be conflict resolution. Sometimes you can just give an irritable partner space and let it go. Without knowing what he's doing that's upsetting you, I wonder if you'd be better off letting some of the things go. 

    It's only been a few months. Maybe this just isn't a good fit. 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It sounds like you expect there to be conflict in a relationship and you’re getting worked up at him for there not being any. Yes, everyone has faults, everyone gets annoyed at their partner, and everyone gets upset at something silly- but a lot of people recognize this and can let things go. It sounds like LW wants to or expects to need to talk through every less than wonderful moment and the BF just doesn’t need to. 

    So basically, if he says nothing is wrong believe him. 
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I have to disagree, just because this is my hubby and me.  I get frustrated and need to vent, and he never said anything.  Turns out it has quietly been simmering for 8 years.  Since LW is self aware,  maybe they can say "Hey, I just freaked out at you and that wasn't right.  I'm sorry - are you okay".  But, just a warning that that also doesn't work if he is just keeping score so he can dump everything on you later instead of being truthful at the time.

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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    This is actually a red flag.  Putting your dating person on a pedestal is an issue and can be the start of a pretty hellish pattern.  Without any more information, I'd say bounce b/c this isn't a relationship of equals.
    �
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2022
    I agree that someone being agreeable or not ever having 'notes' for you as a partner is a red flag.  I also know people who get itchy with low drama partners and want the chase or the 'will they, won't they' intrigue. I personally am leaning toward it being the former and he is repressing things to be a 'nice' guy or something.  LW should just break it off if they're that ill at ease with their BF.  
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