Wedding Woes

You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and your dating life.

Dear Prudence, 

I’m 24, a lesbian, and I’m invariably unlucky in love. In high school, I asked a girl out and she said yes, only to say no two days later. I had one boyfriend in high school before I figured out I was a lesbian. I had a crush on a roommate in college that ultimately ruined the friendship when I confessed my feelings. I had a girlfriend in college but I ended the relationship because she felt more strongly than I did, and it wasn’t fair to her. I had a long-distance relationship that fizzled almost as soon as it began. Straight men have routinely hit on me throughout my life despite the fact that I’m a butch person, and more importantly, have never demonstrated any interest. Back when I was on dating apps I went on a series of first dates that never turned into second dates, let alone a relationship. My volunteer work in my local LGBTQ+ community is very intergenerational, which means women old enough to be my mother have propositioned me (very unwelcome). Finally, and most recently, my idiot self developed a crush on one of my roommates, which I confessed yesterday and was gently turned down.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t go to the bars because I don’t drink, it’s too loud (I’m hard of hearing), and everyone there is only looking for hookups anyway. One of my favorite dancing spots I stopped going to because it became too depressing to be the only queer woman there, week after week. Getting back on dating apps just feels like it’ll be a lot of effort for little reward, and my volunteer work brings me a lot of lovely friends, but nothing more. I feel like I don’t have any recourse beyond pretending it’s fine and trying to get rid of the perfectly normal desire to be loved romantically. How can I cope?

—My Heart Sucks

Re: You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and your dating life.

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 29
    Yeah but I feel this.  Just flip the numbers around and that’s me.  I hate dating apps but none of my friends are setting me up and I DO go to meetups and try to get out when I can! I feel like LW just has to weed through all this crap and eventually will find someone on the app that feels the same way.  Like nemo says, keep on swimming, keep on swimming…
    Dating in your 20’s is difficult.
    But like I said, 40’s ain’t any better. 
    Edit words 

  • The LW needs to keep trying.  I know it sucks and feels frustrating.  But it's also pretty normal to go on a lot of first/second dates from dating apps, until you find the right person.  It needs to "click", physically and emotionally, for both people.  That's not impossible to find, but it's also not easy and takes patience.

    I also noticed the LW has twice developed a crush on a roommate.  I'm wondering if things don't click for them emotionally, until they have really gotten to know a person.  That might be a clue they need to go on more dates with a particular person, instead of writing them off after one date.  I'm not saying they are doing that, but it's what I'm reading between the lines.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I hate to be the old lady, but LW, this is what 24 is like for most people. Ok, maybe it sucks more when you're queer and the dating pool is smaller, but this is totally normal. 

    I kind of hit the same frustrations at around that age, minus the apps, and decided to take a break. I had a super awesome summer with my friends and quit worrying about dating. And just like it always happens, I stumbled onto the guy who turned out to be H when I wasn't looking for him. I laugh at myself when I look back to my 24 year old self panicking that I was never going to meet someone and I'd be single forever.
  • Dating is awful

    LW has more self awareness than most 24yr olds
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