I’m 24, a lesbian, and I’m invariably unlucky in love. In high school, I asked a girl out and she said yes, only to say no two days later. I had one boyfriend in high school before I figured out I was a lesbian. I had a crush on a roommate in college that ultimately ruined the friendship when I confessed my feelings. I had a girlfriend in college but I ended the relationship because she felt more strongly than I did, and it wasn’t fair to her. I had a long-distance relationship that fizzled almost as soon as it began. Straight men have routinely hit on me throughout my life despite the fact that I’m a butch person, and more importantly, have never demonstrated any interest. Back when I was on dating apps I went on a series of first dates that never turned into second dates, let alone a relationship. My volunteer work in my local LGBTQ+ community is very intergenerational, which means women old enough to be my mother have propositioned me (very unwelcome). Finally, and most recently, my idiot self developed a crush on one of my roommates, which I confessed yesterday and was gently turned down.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t go to the bars because I don’t drink, it’s too loud (I’m hard of hearing), and everyone there is only looking for hookups anyway. One of my favorite dancing spots I stopped going to because it became too depressing to be the only queer woman there, week after week. Getting back on dating apps just feels like it’ll be a lot of effort for little reward, and my volunteer work brings me a lot of lovely friends, but nothing more. I feel like I don’t have any recourse beyond pretending it’s fine and trying to get rid of the perfectly normal desire to be loved romantically. How can I cope?
—My Heart Sucks