September 2012 Weddings

NWR: Dad issues...long

So my relationship with my dad has always been up and down since I was younger. My parents are divorced and don't get along very well but I have always tried to keep my relationship with both of them going.

My dad agreed to help pay for the second half of our venue, which was a great thing that we really appreciated. My dad has this constant way of letting people down because he "forgot" that he was paying for something and just doesn't do it. This is VERY much how he does things. I would remind him that he offered on occasion (which I TOTALLY know that I was bugging him). This was never the only thing that we talked about but with how he is, I wasn't going to let it go. The biggest reason I would ask is because FI doesn't trust my dad not to back out. He even made a copy of our contract to give him at dinner one day. I "forgot" to give it to him because it made me feel really bad. FI and I have fought over this issue and he knows I will no longer be asking about it

My dad is now not talking to me, at all. I tried texting him and talking to him. I got 1 response and that was it. He called me last night ONLY to yell at me that I haven't called my grandparents in a few weeks and then hung up. When my mom asks why he won't talk to him he hangs up on her. His excuse is that he's always busy (total crap) and that he's moving (he's been moved in with his girlfriend for almost a month).

It's hard for me to tell him that I have no intention of asking him for any money. We have it in our savings account now just in case. I just want to talk to my dad and he is truly acting like I just don't exist anymore. I try to text him and get nothing, not even an 'ok' and it's getting hard to handle. I have even talked to my grandma (his mom) about it because I knew she would talk to him and nothing.

What do I do now? Yes, I know that I shouldn't have been asking so much, which I take total responsibility for, so no need to bring that up about being a brat. I'm admitting that.

Re: NWR: Dad issues...long

  • Have you tried apologizing?  Your dad is being immature but sometimes a sorry goes a long way.  Not sure how your dad is, but maybe I'd try a "Dad, I'm sorry I was such a nag.  I know that hurt your feelings.  I miss talking to you though.  Could I maybe take you out to lunch so we can catch up?" (if he's local).  I feel like my dad tends to melt if he knows I'm feeling guilty and being hard on myself.  I think it is smart that you guys have the extra money on hand in case, but no need to rub his nose in it.  I understand your intentions but he just took it harder than expected.  I think he owes you an apology too and you aren't completely to blame but maybe try apologizing first.  I'd leave a voicemail too not a text message.  We expect our parents to be the more mature ones and apologize first but sometimes it isn't the case (I personally think as a person ages they tend to be more prideful and can get in their own way).  Good luck!
  • He called me being a complete jerk while I was at work today and I was bawling at work. He blamed me for a lot of things that weren't even close to my fault and I told him I was sorry. He then showed up to my work about an hour later and we talked for a while. He knew where I was coming from and we were able to talk about it. It will be hard with how things are with him and my mom but we will rebuild. He actually didn't know until today when he showed up that we had the money saved just in case.

    I think things wil be fine, but it will definitely take time
  • Glad to hear you got to talk through things with him.  Taking time to rebuild is always much healthier than forcing things to be perfect from the get go.  Just give yourself and him time to heal and keep up the open and honest communication.  Big hugs!
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